


Endless Appetite

by r0binmon



Series: Jimon Romance Collection [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Blood, Destiny, Jimon is endgame, M/M, jimon, lots of blood, slight torture at some point, smell kink, soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 33,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26496127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r0binmon/pseuds/r0binmon
Summary: The story is set around after 2x20. Clary and Jace are back together. Simon is Clary's best friend and in a relationship with Maia. Some kind of destiny/soulmate thing. They make each other whole.Ever since he had bitten Jace, there was this feeling inside of him he couldn't really understand. It was that feeling of... addiction but in a completely different way than usual. There wasn't just lust for blood, there was much more about it. But whatever it was... Jace did not get it.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Clary Fray & Simon Lewis, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Jace Wayland, Simon Lewis/Maia Roberts
Series: Jimon Romance Collection [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650772
Comments: 44
Kudos: 74





	1. Back to Normal

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to my [beta ♥](https://twitter.com/ladypoetess)

“ _I would have killed you”_

“ _I would have let you”_

Ever since he had bitten Jace, there was this feeling inside of him he couldn't really understand. It was that feeling of... addiction but in a completely different way than usual. There wasn't just lust for blood, there was much more about it. But whatever it was... Jace did not get it.

After Valentine's and Jonathan's deaths Jace had started avoiding Simon until the vampire did the same. They had never been best friends and Simon didn't think they ever would be, but he had at least hoped for a bit more than this. He hadn't even been able to show any gratitude or thank Jace for what he had done, which, for Simon, made it much worse. He was a daylighter now... and it could only have been Jace's fault. 'Fault'... like it was something bad, though there just couldn't be anything bad about this. Simon was finally able to live a somewhat normal life. He was able to go to college, have a job, go out with friends and, ignoring the fact that he drank blood and was immortal, he was back to being an ordinary guy.

And all of that thanks to Jace whom he hadn't thanked yet. But writing to Jace... he couldn't do this. The Shadowhunter would probably ignore him anyway. So he'd have to contact Clary. She would understand. And she could ask Jace to meet her somewhere for a date or whatever, but instead he'd show up, or maybe both of them together.

Well, at least it sounded like a plan. He'd see how it turned out.

“Hey Simon, is everything alright?” Clary said when he called.

“Hey, yeah. I'm alright. Look, er... Could I ask you for a favor? It's about Jace...”

“Jace?” There was a moment of silence. “Sure, what's up?”

“Jace is avoiding me since... I don't even know” He felt bad lying to her but it was for the best. “He's just avoiding me and I don't get why. This can't be just about you. I mean he's so jealous all the time and whatever, but still. I'd like to talk to him and thank him in person, you know. For saving my life.”

“Simon, you know he always avoided you. He was-”

“I know. It's different though. He's weird. Could you ask him to meet up with you at the Hunter's Moon tomorrow?”

Clary sighed. She didn't think that it'd turn out to be a success but still she agreed on it. Simon would have his reasons for it. Right after they hung up she contacted Jace. He was out because he had a thing to do with Alec. Whatever that was. So she didn't expect an answer right away. Still he was quite fast with it and messaged Simon afterwards.

'He'll be there at 3'

'Awesome. Thank you' Simon smiled a little when typing the answer. He just hoped Jace wouldn't leave as soon as he saw Simon. But in the end, he was a vampire and so he could easily hold him back or follow him.

“Stay calm” Simon said to himself before entering the pub. On a seat in a corner he saw Jace's blond hair. At the same time the rich smell of him reached his nose and he tried not to breathe. Slowly he walked towards the Shadowhunter who saw him and rolled his eyes.

“Hey...” Simon said nervously and sat down.

“I'm waiting for Clary. Leave.”

“You're not. You're waiting for me. I asked Clary to make you come here”

“What...” Jace frowned and got up but Simon reached for his wrist, grabbed him around his jacket and held him back.

“Sit down, Jace. We need to talk”

Jace tried to get rid of Simon's firm grip but failed. Fucking vampire strength. Resignedly he sat down again.

“So? What do you wanna talk about?” He asked when Simon finally let go of him.

“I'm sure you already know. First of all... I won't tell anyone about what happened. And second... I didn't properly thank you yet. You saved my life. And not just that. You made it more livable.”

Simon could hear Jace's blood rushing through his veins, could hear his heartbeat and smell him among all the other people here. He could hear how his heartbeat got faster when saying these words and how the blood... Slightly he shook his head, biting down on his own lips.

“Awesome. That's it, Lewis? I gotta go then. Something came up”

Again Simon reached out to grab his wrist, to hold Jace in place, but this time he didn't give in. He jerked his arm away and got up, his eyes narrowed and his body tense. No, at this point the vampire couldn't hold him back anymore; it was time to just let him go. A little sigh left Simon's lips as he saw the other man disappear again.

Once Jace was gone, Simon didn't stay. There was no reason to do so anyway, so he went back to his apartment. That had been a stupid idea; of course Jace didn't want to talk about it. Maybe there was nothing to talk about anyway. They had never had a reason to talk before so why should they now? But Simon was sure he wasn't the only one who was carrying something on his shoulders. With Jace coming back mysteriously after he had died... and now he was like this – something was off.


	2. Left alone

Simon was in his apartment. His thoughts were circling around Jace. It was as if there was nothing else but his taste, his smell. He felt restless and he didn't know how to handle it. He had thought about inviting Clary or Maia over, or even going out, but he wasn't sure if that would be a good idea, either. He felt... erratic. Something he hadn't felt since just after his rebirth as a vampire.

With his change to being a daylighter also his lifestyle had changed a lot. He had found an apartment for himself, went back to college. Living alone in a proper home was so much better than the days at the docks, when he had slept in a canoe. Now he had a bed, a fridge full of blood and enough space for his instruments. And everything was his alone.

So there was also enough space for him to walk up and down, thinking about what to do. He didn't know what it was about the Shadowhunter. Yeah, of course Simon had found some men rather attractive and everyone could see how attractive Jace was. Denying that would be a lie. But this was something else. This was... deeper. But not in a good way. He wanted to taste his blood again.  
Since the bite, whatever he felt, smelled and tasted was a complete sensory overload. Jace's angel blood did something with him, he couldn't control.

Even when he played on the street or at the  _Hunter's Moon_ it was like Jace was all around but whenever he looked around he couldn't see him, yet his smell was everywhere. It was confusing and Simon was pretty sure sooner or later he'd lose his mind – if he didn't already. He just didn't know how to deal with whatever was going on in his body.

As if college alone wasn't enough work, dealing with his thoughts and emotions was much harder. Also because there was no way he could just settle everything – Jace apparently didn't want to talk to him. And there was no other way for Simon to get everything sorted, that was going on in him. So he just had to live with the chaos inside, which wasn't easy. Especially not for the vampire.

Simon was sitting at his keyboard, trying to come up with a new melody, when suddenly Clary called him.

“Hey Clary, everything alright?”

But Clary didn't sound alright, when she started talking: “Can you come over to the institute?”

“Sure, what's going on?”

“Alec asked you here”

Simon frowned. Alec? Why would Alec ask him to come to the institute?

“Okay, will be there in five” Simon answered, hang up and left his apartment.

As a vampire it didn't take him long until he arrived at the institute. Alec greeted him at the stairs outside and brought him to his office. On his way he could see Jace standing with Izzy, talking about some files in front of them. His smell was intense and his ears were instantly focused on his heartbeat.

He felt thrown back to that moment when he became weaker and weaker. And suddenly there had been Clary... She sat down next to him, offering her blood to Simon. But he couldn't take it. He just couldn't drink from his best friend. Slowly he had shook his head, trying to avoid her eyes so soft and caring and worried.

“Drink” She said, nearly forcing him to do so and as he bit down on her arm, tasting her sweet blood, it was like Clary was all around him. Her smell was sweet, light, like a spring breeze, the air full of flowers. And still there was this deepness of charcoal and coffee. But Jace was different. His smell was heavy, strong. Like a summer in a forest. The rich smell of wood after rain combined with leather and metal with a subtle scent of demon secretion.

And suddenly it was Jace, who was there, next to the vampire. The glamour wore off and Simon's mouth was full of the intense, rich blood that was Jace's. Everything that was Jace seemed to embrace him and he just couldn't let go, held his arm and drank more and more. There was something about his blood that was different, something that made it special. He heard his heartbeat, slow but steady until it wasn't anymore and this was the moment Jace was taken away from him.

“Simon?”

The vampire turned around, not realizing he had stopped, now staring at Jace while Alec was a few steps ahead. “Yeah?”

“So it's not just him”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Something is off. And apparently not just with him.”

Simon continued following Alec, a deep wrinkle on his forehead. Okay, what was going on? Alec had asked him here because of Jace? Sure... he could feel it if something was happening to him, right? Maybe this was his chance to also find out about Jace...


	3. Parabatai

“Sit down...” Alec pointed to a sofa, sat down on the other and looked at Simon, his body tense. “Now tell me... What's going on with Jace? And with you?”

Simon was confused, didn't really get what he wanted to hear. “I'm not sure I get-”

“Stop. Something happened. Something just isn't right. I can see it. I can _feel_ it, Simon. So don't even try to get away with some stupid excuses. Whatever it is, it started after Jace came to help you. He's... he's my Parabatai. I _need_ to know.”

Simon was baffled. What did Alec want to hear? What should he say? He didn't even know what was going on with himself, how should he be able to talk about Jace, who was avoiding him anyway and didn't talk to him, like at all?

“Did he say something?” Simon asked, making Alec even more tense. Simon could see him shifting on his seat.

“He only told me that you drank his blood and somehow it not only saved you from the sword but also made you a daylighter”

Simon nodded. “That's the only possible reason, because aside from that, nothing else happened to me”

Alec nodded, letting out a deep sigh. “That doesn't help much. I just... need to understand that chaos inside of Jace”

“See? I... I don't know what's going on with Jace. I'm asking myself the same thing. I don't know what's going on with me. So how should I know what's wrong with Jace? He doesn't even talk to me. But suddenly he's everywhere and it's confusing me and I can't focus! Do you have any idea how annoying that is?”

The Shadowhunter did not. But also, he didn't even have an idea what Simon was talking about. Luckily he didn't even need to ask, because once talked into rage, Simon would hardly ever stop talking. So he just listened.

“Wherever I'm going, Jace is there. Or I imagine him to be there. I can smell him all around. And I don't know how to stop it. No matter if I'm on my way to college, playing somewhere or even when I'm at the _Hunter's Moon_. It's as if he's following me all around. Sometimes I nearly feel his breath in my neck and sometimes it's like he's far away and it's only the fading memory of his smell and I just... I can't deal with this anymore. When I tried to talk to him, he left, avoiding me again.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of them until Simon started talking again. “And... his... blood... it's...”

Alec looked at Simon closely. “What about his blood?”

“It tastes... different.”

Slowly the Shadowhunter nodded. “I don't know if anyone told you yet, but... since we're half angel, half mundane our blood tastes different from mundanes and apparently it's like a drug. Vampires can get high from it. Considering the fact that Jace has pure angel blood... There must be much more than just a high”

Simon dug his fingers into his shirt but didn't really answer. He could hear Alec taking a deep breath.

“Jace wasn't in the institute much. He always said he would take the patrol, checking for demon activities... I thought he'd just need some time for himself, because he still feels guilty. But it seems like it's not quite right.”

“What do you mean?” The vampire wanted to know.

“After what you've told me about you... and Jace... I get the feeling that he's not really on patrol but following you around”

“Jace is stalking me? But why? He can't even stand me. I'm just that annoying vampire, who's always in the way and gets all the shit. So... why?”

“I have no idea, Simon. I really don't. I can just sense that there's a lot troubling him. And obviously I can't be any help. Otherwise he would at least have listened to me...” Alec's eyes focused a spot on the carpet, trying to avoid Simon's look. But still the vampire could see how much the situation affected him. He was really worried. Maybe even scared something terrible was going on with Jace. Especially because it was out of his control.

“What about Clary?” Simon dared to ask and Alec shook his head.

“I haven't really seen them together since. But then again I have hardly seen him around anyway. Who knows where he is, making up excuses about patrolling...”

Simon really needed to talk to Clary as well. Why didn't she talk to him about it? Why was everyone just bottling things up? The whole situation was a bit mess and though at least Clary should know better, she just did as everyone else: Not talking. A deep sigh left his lips.

“I'm sorry I can't help you with this, Alec. I really wish I knew what's going on but I know even less than you...”

“It's alright. I just hoped that maybe... Sorry for calling you here”

“I get it. And if I find out something, you'll be the first one to know” Simon said with a soft smile, making Alec smile as well, the gratefulness visible on his face.

“Thank you, Simon” The Shadowhunter got up.

“Could I talk to Clary, though?” Simon asked and the dark haired man nodded.

“Sure. She asked about the library before. So I guess she's there”

“Thanks”

And with this Simon left the office, finding the way to the library but it was empty. So he went to Clary's room where he found her and he could hear the soft scratching of her charcoal on the paper from outside. Of course she was drawing. He knocked but she didn't hear him. After a second knock he opened the door himself.


	4. Black on White

Simon looked at the ginger woman in front of him, drawing and softly moving to the music, smiled a little.

“Clary?”

She turned around, taking her headphones out. 

“Simon!” With a smile she hugged him tightly. “Did you finish talking already?”

“Yeah, I couldn't help him much anyway.”

She nodded and pointed to her bed. When Simon sat down she took a seat next to him, took his hand and pressed it softly.

“It was about Jace, right?”

Simon sighed. “What's up with you two? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I mean... He's out for patrol quite often. But other than that everything is okay. At least between us. But when he comes back...” Clary started explaining. “He's so far away. His thoughts are always somewhere else”

Gently Simon put an arm around his friend and pulled her closer.

“I guess it was just a lot that was going on. With Valentine, Jonathan, the sword... and whatever happened at Lake Lyn...” He tried to explain and she nodded.

“Maybe... I just hope he's opening up to someone. Alec or-”

“Alec doesn't know what's going on either...”

“Huh? But he's his Parabatai”

“I know but... he asked me if I knew something. But of course I don't.”

“How did the talk with Jace end, anyway?” Clary wanted to know but Simon just shrugged.

“We didn't really talk. He didn't want to.”

They both sighed. It's been rough days but still, wasn't it finally time to settle all of this, free the mind and get rid of all the bad thoughts, now that Valentine and Jonathan were dead? 

But maybe it was just Simon. He had started a new life again, with being a daylighter. For the others it was different. They were still dealing with the same things as always, demons lingering in the mundane world.

His eyes wandered off to the canvas stand and the drawing on it.

“Is that the angel?” Simon asked.

Clary nodded. “That's Raziel over Lake Lyn. After Valentine summoned him”

Simon got up again and took a step closer.

“Looks impressive” He said. “Is there anything else you drew recently?”

“Oh, yeah! Sure! Let me show you” She took her sketchbook and showed it to Simon who went through the pages until he stopped at a picture of Jace.

There he was, sleeping on what apparently was Clary's bed. He smiled a little and suddenly there was his smell again. Had it been there all the time? Was he making up things again? He frowned and Clary gently touched his shoulder.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“I just thought... Jace always tries to keep up the straight, strong and cold mask he's wearing. But here he looks so vulnerable...” Simon explained.

When he had bitten down into Jace's arm and the glamour had worn off there had been also this vulnerable expression. It's been different than the one on the drawing of course. But still... the soft eyes with all the worries, maybe even fear. While Jace had always avoided the look to him when he had been drinking, that moment his eyes had been completely focused on the vampire as if he wanted to make sure he really was safe and-

“Simon?”

“Sorry? Did you say something?” Simon looked at Clary, slowly coming back to reality. He could still taste Jace's blood on his lips...

“It's strange. Jace is the same. Suddenly his thoughts wander off. But I've never seen that on you. Are you okay?”

Simon paused, not knowing if he should really talk to her about this, though he already did with Alec. But this was different. It was about her boyfriend. And it just didn't seem right to talk about him like this?

Still, she was his best friend and so he started telling her about his feelings, about the fact, that Jace was always on his mind, that he was confused about that, that he smelled him, tasted him on his lips. Clary tensed a bit, but she seemed to understand that this had nothing to do with any feelings for him. It was a vampire thing. A vampire and Shadowhunter thing. And then there was the angel blood as well. So a lot was going on.

“Maybe it just takes a bit longer?” She just suggested

“Clary. It's been weeks. And I've never got this feeling with anyone else. I've never... craved for any blood like I'm doing now with his.”

“Then it's quite obvious. It really is the angel blood. I guess it'll just stop at some point. Maybe it's like with drugs? Once you got the hard stuff it's not easy to go back anymore”

“You mean from now on I can only really feed from him?”

“No, I mean... You're dried out. And you have to get used to the feeling at some point...”

Simon wasn't really convinced. But then again, how should Clary understand. A Shadowhunter couldn't understand. No one could. Not just this very situation but the endless appetite in general. The craving, the hunger, the thirst for blood. It wasn't just like any human being hungry or thirsty. It was painful, it was not thinking about anything else but blood. In very bad moments he could only hear blood rushing through the veins, the heartbeats of humans around him and he could smell it all around, not stopping until he finally drank something.

“I guess so...” Simon gave in, eventually. What else should he say anyway? He knew this was different. He could feel it. Because it was about Jace's blood. Clary herself had angel blood as well. He could smell it. And still he wasn't drawn to her like it was with Jace.

“You're going to be okay, Simon. It just takes time” The ginger woman said softly and kissed Simon's cheek.

“Thanks. Yeah, you're right, Fray” Shrugging his thoughts off he went to the door. “In the mood for cinema in a few days?”

“Sure! Let me know when. I'll check with my shift.”

When Simon left the institute again Jace was still there, now standing at one of the big displays, looking for something in the system. He looked at him, trying to push all the thoughts aside that were dwelling up in his head and rushed out.


	5. Lone Wolf

Neither the chat with Alec nor with Clary helped Simon much. He was still confused, always thinking of Jace like there was nothing else in his life anymore. And he hated it. As much as he could, he tried to find another output for his emotions, sitting in front of his keyboard all day long or taking his guitar if he thought the sound would fit better. The distraction worked quite well, though it wasn't perfect. Also going to the cinema was a nice change to his routine.

When he was too annoyed by himself he even went out for walks, embracing the possibilities he had now again as he was a daylighter. He had already somewhat made his piece with never being able to see a sunrise or sunset again, let alone the world during the day and now he was back to 'normal'. As 'normal' as he could be as a vampire.

But of course not just Clary was good in keeping his thoughts from wandering off – at least most of the time. Maia came over every once in a while or he went to the  _Hunter's Moon_ when it was her shift. And though he gave his best, she couldn't stop herself to notice the weird behavior of her boyfriend. Something was going on with him and she didn't really understand what it was. Of course she knew that something must have happened inside the institute. Otherwise Simon wouldn't be a daylighter now. But she didn't know any details and Simon tried his best to keep it a secret. On the one hand she understood, as it was better to not let everyone know about the circumstances, but then again... She was his girlfriend. He could at least talk to her about it.

With the decision to talk to him, Maia went to his apartment the next free day. She knocked at his door which was opened right after.

“Maia? What Are you doing here? Oh, no. Did I forget about any date we planned?”

She laughed softly and hugged Simon. “Don't worry. I just wanted to see you.”

“Oh, okay. Great! I was just writing a new song and-”

“Like you do everyday. Simon...” She closed the door and took his hand in her own. “What's going on?”

Searching for excuses wouldn't make any sense, so he gave in and started telling Maia about what happened. Or at least that there had been a situation in which he had been forced to drink Jace's blood. When she heard what exactly was going on with Simon and what he was feeling and thinking the jealousy couldn't be ignored.

“Do you like him?”

“What?”

“The question isn't hard to understand, is it?” Maia looked at him, eyes narrowed and repeated her question again. “Do you like him?”

“He's still that stubborn, reckless and arrogant idiot he always was.”

“And that's no answer”

“I... respect him. That's it.” Simon finally somewhat answered.

Maia wasn't really happy with that answer but she accepted it. Simon looked to confused to now make something up or telling her any lies. He wasn't like that anyway.

“So what do you plan on doing now?” She wanted to know but Simon also didn't have an answer to this.

“I don't know. What should I do? Is there anything I can do?”

“Well, sitting here all day distracting yourself from whatever is no option. Do you want to go on like that forever?”

“No, just until... I mean... I talked to Clary about that and-” Simon tried to explain but was interrupted by his girlfriend.

“Of course you did. Who else knows about this? Who did you talk to before talking with me?”

The vampire sighed, looked to the ground and felt ashamed. He should have talked to Maia about this before. She was his girlfriend, and still... he kept it a secret all the time.

“Alec. But only because he asked me about Jace.”

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, but said nothing about the fact anymore, that she was obviously the last one to know about it.

“So, any advice on that?” Simon now asked. Maybe she had an idea about what to do next and how he should deal with it. 

“Not really. I mean, I don't know what's going on inside of you. I guess the most important thing is to find out what this fuzz is all about. If it's really just his blood or... if there's more going on and-”

“More? You mean like wanting to date him?”

“That's exactly what I meant”

“Well... no. I don't think you really get that. His blood has done something to me and I neither understand it, nor can I really compensate all the things that are going on inside of me. If I would have liked him, I would have liked him before. But it's not like that. It's his blood!” Simon insisted. “Can't you even listen to me? This is hard for me, okay? I don't even know myself anymore!”

“I don't know you, either. The way you're talking to me, or just not talking at all... Even Alec knowing about you before me-”  
“It was about Jace!” Simon snapped and Maia took a step back.

“Simon...”

But Simon couldn't really hold back anymore.

“You know? This is why I didn't want to tell you in the first place? To avoid this situation? You came here to rebuke me without even listening? It's all about you at the moment and I understand it must be hard for you, that I locked myself in here, not really talking to you but this really is a lot right now and I have no idea what is happening with me and I can't live my life as I did before because everything is going crazy!”

Maia shook her head, couldn't believe what she just heard. “I came here to help you! But all you say is that everyone else is obviously more trustworthy than your girlfriend, Simon. If you're sure about what you really want, whom you really want... call me. But I just... No.”

With that Maia left his apartment, leaving Simon behind alone, with all his thoughts and the guilt now growing in him. He was angry about Maia, of course, but more than that he was angry with himself. And Jace, although he also was so grateful. After all he was the reason for him being a daylighter. But with this costs, he didn't know if it really was a gift anymore.

It was pulling him down, something he just didn't know. He always tried to be positive, find the good things in life, but this was impossible right now. He just couldn't be positive. And he had no idea how to fix this.


	6. Sudden temptations

After Maia and Simon had parted like this, the vampire felt even worse than before. He felt guilty and still he was angry that she had treated him this way. The anger also held him back from apologizing. Why should he? It had been Maia who had been too sensitive, not him.

...Or was he in the wrong? The more he thought about it, the less he was sure about what to do. Not that he had known before but his head was a complete chaos. When he got home after college he decided that – instead of a walk – he'd go to the park, walk a bit to get rid of thoughts or maybe sort them out. He wasn't picky about that. As long as he would feel better afterwards.

While he strolled through the park he really felt a bit better. Maybe he should write Maia, tell her that he wanted to talk to her again, but... about what? He had already told her what was going on with him, didn't he? So there was nothing to talk about anymore besides their fight. But he knew it could become worse and he didn't want that. So he would better stay quiet... That would be best. He couldn't deal with even more stress right now.

After arriving in the street where his apartment was located it was like he could smell Jace again. And this smell made everything worse. His thoughts became to active again, going in circles and becoming louder and louder.  
“Stupid Shadowhunter” He murmured to himself as he walked on. But he couldn't stop himself from looking around. Whoever he expected to see – probably Jace though – wasn't there. So he went inside and to his apartment.

With a deep sigh and a bag of blood in his hand he sat down in front of the TV and turned it on. With slight disinterest he decided to watch some boring reality show so he could completely focus on that without using his head to much.

However, focusing on the show wasn't that easy, when it suddenly knocked. Simon looked up from the screen. Maybe it was Maia again? Maybe she's seen her mistake and wanted to apologize? He got up, walked to the door and opened it but the person in front of him wasn't Maia.

Jace was standing there, his face stern and the brows furrowed. Without a word he pushed the door open and walked into Simon's apartment.

“Yeah, sure. Come in” Simon said and closed the door behind him. As he turned around to the Shadowhunter, his arms were crossed in front of his chest and his body was even more tense than before. The scent of leather and wet wood suddenly filled the whole room, together with the deep and strong smell of blood.

“What did you tell Alec?”

“What?” Simon stared at him dumbfounded.

“I know you were at the institute. And you had a talk with Alec. And suddenly he's all around, denying me to go outside for patrolling and-”

“You're not even on patrol! You're following me. Do you really think I can't smell your damn angel blood everywhere?”

Simon could smell him now as well. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest and he could see the pulse on his neck. He could also see and hear that Jace's anger rose, as he clenched his fists.

“I don't know what you're talking about”

“Oh, really? That's it? This is all you have to say? I... I don't even know what you want, what is going on? I just know that you being here is definitely not a good decision.” With each second Jace's smell seem to get stronger. The vampire's body reacted, more than Simon wanted it to be.

“You wanted to talk to me, didn't you? At the _Hunter's Moon_. Now is your chance. Talk.”

Talk? Now? Simon wasn't even prepared. So the only thing that came to his mind was... Jace.

“Why do you stalk me?”

“I'm not stalking you.”

“But?” Simon wanted to know. He needed to know.

“I...” Jace stopped, frowning and suddenly somewhat nervous. “I... wanted to know if it's the same for you?”

“Huh? The same? What's going on with you?”

Obviously Jace didn't know what so say or... didn't want to say anything. He was just standing there, torn between anger and insecurity, something Simon had never seen on him and it made him uncomfortable since had no idea how to react – other than his body telling him to get closer to Jace, drawn to him by his smell. But he controlled himself the best he could.

“Okay then... let's see” Simon said to end the silence. “Maybe I just tell you about myself.” He suggested and Jace sighed.

“Alright. Tell me, whatever you want to tell me.”

The vampire took a deep useless breath before he started talking: “I... think about you. All the time. Since I bit you. And I don't even know why. And I also don't know what I should do to make it better. Even now I... I can only think of your blood. And it's really bad you are here because the longer I can smell you, the more I get the feeling I... I'm gonna lose control”

This was bad. Really bad. He hated the whole situation with passion. What should he do? Jace was here but he didn't even get why. He could feel the thirst in himself, felt how it was growing, the longer the other was here. And apparently what he felt was clearly visible on his face as Jace pulled the corner of his mouth into a little smirk.

“Lose control? You mean, you want my blood again?” Jace asked. Simon didn't know how to answer. Yes, he did. But... at the same time he didn't. His head didn't. But his body was craving for his blood. The silence seemed to be enough of an answer.

“Thought so. I'm irresistible, I know. And after all... you're a vampire. Didn't expect more. Do you get high on my blood? I guess that's it, right?” His voice was mere arrogance and by that Simon was again reminded of why he just couldn't stand the Shadowhunter. The anger in him grew and his hands were shaking a little. As if staying calm and holding back had not been hard enough even before these words, but now the anger pushed his body further.

“Just... leave” He said, holding himself together the best he could.

“I thought you wanted to talk?”

“Leave! Now!” What was going on with Jace, why was he provoking him like that? Did he know what he was doing with Simon right now and it was just fun to him? Or was that again his way of compensating his insecurities? Whatever it was, it was hard for Simon to take.

Simon turned around, trying to make it easier for him to hold back. And finally. He could hear Jace's footsteps until the door opened and closed again. Instantly he hurried to the window, opened it and took a deep breath of the fresh air. It was relaxing and helped him getting control again.

“Stupid Shadowhunter...” The vampire murmured. “Why can't he just... Does he have _any_ idea how exhausting this is? No, of course not. He's a Shadowhunter. So special and perfect and so much better than any Downworlder. _I'm Jace and I'm so irresistible_. Urgh.” And still... he wanted to run after him, following him to wherever he was going now. “You're such an idiot, Simon. He will never let you forget all of this... Okay, as if you could forget this feelings anyway...” He shook his head to himself, finally in full control of his body again.

“You're pathetic, you know?” The voice behind him was amused.

The vampire didn't dare to look behind himself. Embarrassment was growing in his chest and he knew that if he could still blush, his head would look like a tomato now. A small whimper left his lips.

“Do you want to jump out? You know that it's pretty painful. Even if you're healing fast”

Simon tensed again.

“So? Will you turn around or do you really want to jump?”

The vampire closed the window with a loud _bang!_ He was pretty lucky that the window didn't break. His fists were shaking, as he walked towards Jace, who already held a dagger in his hand.

“Why are you doing this? You think this is any fun? Do you know how _hard_ this is? Do you have any idea what your blood is doing to me? How much... how... I...” Simon was suddenly standing right in front of Jace, not even realizing how that happened. The smell of fresh blood was in the air and his teeth grew to full size. He couldn't see were he was hurt, but he could smell it.

He felt so weak inside. Like he was watching the situation from far away. Why did the Shadowhunter do that? He must have realized what was going on. Did he hurt himself in order to provoke this reaction? Stupid, arrogant Shadowhunter.  
And without even thinking Simon's teeth bit down deep in his throat. He heard and felt Jace's heavy breathing, his heart pounding.

“Simon... stop...”


	7. Regrets

“ _Simon... stop...”_

Simon could hear the soft words of the Shadowhunter in his ears even after he was long gone. The rich smell of blood and Jace himself was still lingering in the air and the taste of his blood just didn't disappear.

What had he done? Why didn't he have more control? He was so angry with himself. And yet, his body felt good. More than just good, though his head told him to not feel good about drinking his blood.

The vampire didn't even get why Jace had felt the urge to provoke him and make him angry. But also... why had he not fought back? Jace hadn't shown any sign of  _ not _ wanting this. He hadn't shoved him away, he hadn't used his dagger that had still been in his hand and also... why had he cut himself with the dagger in the first place? Had he actually wanted that?

No. No, there was no way a Shadowhunter – especially Jace Herondale – would let a vampire bite him.

“ _I would have killed you”_

“ _I would have let you”_

Okay, maybe there was. But that had been a completely different situation. Simon had been dying. And drinking from Jace had been the only way to save him. This moment in his apartment was something else.

Jace's hand had been in his hair, holding him tight and... for a moment it had been like he had pulled him even closer to his neck. No. That wasn't possible. His head already made things up. He had of course tried to pull him away, right?

“ _Simon... stop...”_

Again those words repeated in his ears. There had been nothing more than these two words and Simon had stepped back without hesitating. He had heard Jace's heartbeat going slower his grip in his hair weaken. But still the other hadn't fought back. And it had only needed these words to stop the vampire who didn't just drink but had completely lost control. It shouldn't have been that easy.

When he had moved away from Jace his eyes had darted to his neck where the last drops of blood left the bite marks and without even thinking he'd let his thumb wipe them away. He had licked the blood off his finger, his eyes now locked with Jace's.

The Shadowhunter had been standing there, panting but with a soft and... longing expression. Something he had never seen on him before. He looked so vulnerable...

“ _Jace... I-I'm sorry.”  
“Don't be.”_

Simon still didn't understand the whole situation. Jace had left right after those words. He hadn't been angry nor had he blamed him for what had happened. He... just had accepted it and had left instantly, leaving Simon alone with his thoughts.

Here he was now, standing in the middle of the room, where this had happened. He shook his head to himself. Something wasn't right. Not with him and especially not with Jace. Alec would probably kill him if he found out. Wait. Alec. Did he know? Could he feel something like that? Could he feel the pain Jace must have felt when he bit him? Panic grew in him. What if he really knew? He wouldn't just ignore it, would he?

What should he do? Talk to someone? But who would be able to help him with this situation? No one understood it. Not even Simon himself so there was no way anyone else-... wait. Magnus. Maybe Magnus could help. He basically knew everything. At least in Simon's opinion. Maybe he had an idea about what was going on?

Still, telling yet another person about him and his feelings also didn't sound like a good plan. Maybe he should have kept everything to himself. Maybe that would have been better. It was something he alone had to deal with. But seeing Alec so desperate and worried... He just  _ had _ to tell him. And Clary... she was his best friend. Of course she needed to know and... she had realized herself that something was also weird about Jace.

Simon ran his hand through his hair.  _ Okay, calm down, Lewis. _ But even those words he said to himself didn't really help with any of this. And nothing would help him to deal with his guilt. He looked around, searching for a distraction – without success. There was nothing he actually wanted to do right now besides understanding the situation.

His thoughts wandered off again, back to Jace's Parabatai. What if Alec really knew? What if he had felt it? Simon couldn't avoid another talk with him, right? He needed to explain himself somehow. Because sooner or later Alec would find out. Keeping secrets had never been a good idea. Maybe this was the right way, going to him and telling him about what happened.

Although he still wasn't sure if this was the right choice, Simon left his apartment, hurrying to the institute. He was scared of Alec's reaction. What would happen? What would he say? Would he... lock him up in the basement? He  _ really _ didn't want to be there.

As he arrived at his destination Raj was the guard at the entrance. Great.

“Go away, daylighter”

“I need to talk to Alec” Simon insisted

“Won't happen”

“Really? This is important. If I don't tell Alec I...” He stopped himself from talking too much. This was none of Raj's business.

“You need to have an appointment to see the head of the institute”

“I... what? Okay, this is stupid. I'll call Clary now...”

It didn't even take a minute until Alec was standing in the door, his eyes narrowed.

“Come in, Simon” He said before turning to Raj. “It don't know what's your problem. But if he tells you he wants to talk to me, you let him in. Understood?”

Raj was obviously not happy with that. He clenched his fists and murmured a quiet “Understood.”

While following Alec through the institute to his office Simon looked around, sniffed. Was Jace back? But it didn't seem like that. Had he been so fast that Jace had not made it before him? Or did he go somewhere else anyway?

He shook his head. Why did he even care?

When they were in the office Alec's professional expression was wiped away instantly.

“We need to talk.”


	8. Parabatai 2.0

“ _We need to talk.”_

Alec was right. They needed to talk. No matter what the outcome was. But keeping this a secret wouldn't help. Neither him nor Jace. So he just had to explain to Alec what just happened when Jace had been at his place. But first of all... something else was important. And he needed to know before he said anything.

“Can you... sense something? About him?”

“There was something really strange going on before. And since you're here I guess you're the reason for that feeling. Even now... it's still there.” 

“What feeling?” Simon wanted to know.

“I can't really describe it. He's feeling good. But there are worries... and fear. He's questioning himself. And yet he... he's happy in a way?”

Simon frowned. That was something he didn't expect at all. Happy? How could he be happy? There was no way Jace could feel any happiness right now. He bit him! This was even more confusing than before and Simon started walking up and down, trying to sort his thoughts.

“Simon... Tell me. What happened. I _need_ to know.”

With a deep sigh Simon stopped walking and turned around to Alec again.

“He came to my apartment. At first I thought he was just angry because I talked to you and you wouldn't let him out again. I asked him why he was stalking me but he denied doing so and he asked if _it's the same_ for me and I don't even exactly know what he was talking about and...then everything got heated up, after I tried to explain my point of view and... he suddenly started provoking me and it was already hard to... to be in the same room with him. His smell is so strong and I... I asked him to leave but he didn't and he went on making fun of me and... I... I lost control, Alec. I bit him.” Simon started explaining without even pausing for a second. Since he didn't have to breath anymore he could talk so much more and much faster than before.

Alec crossed his arms as he listened, until Simon confessed about the bite. “Wait, what?” He made a step towards the vampire. “You bit Jace?!”

“I... I didn't mean to. I didn't want to! But suddenly my body was acting all of it's own and... and Jace – he didn't even try to fight me!”

There was a long and uncomfortable pause. Alec seemed to be puzzled about this, as much as Simon was. And he couldn't even be angry with him anymore. The Shadowhunter just stood there, completely thrown off guard, maybe not even sure if he heard right.

“He... didn't fight you?”

“No! He... I thought he would. He had his dagger in his hand but there was no fight but... fresh blood. His blood. And I just... I... Alec, look. I didn't want this to happen. I sent him away! I wanted him to leave but he didn't listen. He... I... I think he knew what was going on. And that was exactly what he wanted...”

Alec held up his hand, making Simon stop. “I-I need to think” He just said. “I... don't get what is happening.”

“See? Me neither. And I'm really deep in this shit. I feel horrible for biting him and I... I apologized but he just said I shouldn't be sorry and then he left. Alec, I don't know what's going on. But I... want you to know that I didn't _want_ to bite him. I'm not like that... I don't drink from people and-”

“It's alright Simon. It doesn't sound like it's your fault at all. I don't like to say it but all of that... seems to be more like... _he_ wanted you to bite him.”

Again there was this uncomfortable silence before Alec took his phone. “I know Jace either won't talk about it or... will deny it. So there's no chance that I will find out something about this from him but... maybe Magnus knows about what is going on. This... obsession isn't good for any of you.”

Simon agreed. Magnus was a good choice. “I thought about talking to him as well but... I wanted you to know about this first.”

“Thank you, Simon.” Alec's words were honest and soft but also full of worries. And so was his face when he started to type a message on his phone.

The vampire sat down on one of the sofas, trying to figure out what he could do. But there was nothing besides waiting for Magnus to answer, as he himself didn't even understand the situation. But the silence between him and Alec was brought to an end when suddenly the door threw open and Jace was standing there.

“What are you doing here?” He asked and walked towards Simon. “Leave. Now.”

“Really? After coming to my apartment, behaving like that, not leaving when I ask you to, you're now trying to throw me out? What is wrong with you?” Simon got up, flinched at the loud sound the door was shut close with and frowned at Jace who was coming closer. Simon could see his neck and there was no bite mark anymore. He must have healed it. “Oh! Not the balls to tell Alec the truth?”

“What truth? I don't know what you're talking about.” Jace turned to Alec. “Alec, he needs to leave. I don't know what he told you, but...”

“Jace, stop.” Alec stepped in front of him. “Stop lying to me. Simon told me everything and... I can feel something is going on. We really need to talk about that. Simon did something to you by biting you... And you did something to him by letting him. Twice. I already messaged Magnus. We should find out what is going on with you two. Whatever it is. It's not good, not healthy and it needs to change as soon as possible. And Magnus will help us.”

Alec held up his phone, showing a message:  _ Come over as soon as possible. Bring them with you. _


	9. Holy water

On the way to Magnus' loft no one said a word. The atmosphere was tense everyone busy with their own thoughts and emotions while Alec of course could also feel Jace's. It must make everything even more confusing, Simon thought and he was glad he had to deal with his own problems only at the moment.

When they arrived it only took Magnus a second to open the door. A soft smile appeared on his lips when he looked at Alec, pressed a soft kiss to his lips and let the three men in.

“So, what can I do for you? Alec said there's something going on between you two, since you drank his blood?” The warlock asked Simon who nodded. Actually he would be grateful if he wasn't the only one talking again but Jace obviously didn't want to talk.

He sighed and went to the sofa, sat down. “I'm feeling weird. I feel like... constantly craving for him... I mean... his blood. No matter if I'm hungry or not. It's just there, this feeling and... Jace... he's some weird stalker making everything worse!”

Magnus raised a brow, looked at Jace who avoided any look to the others.

“He's been following me around. And... today... he came to my apartment. And he...” Simon stopped, biting his lip. He was so uncomfortable talking about this again. He felt ashamed that he lost control though Alec had told him before that it wasn't exactly his fault only.

“Jace provoked him, cut himself and made Simon drink from him” The dark haired Shadowhunter concluded. Magnus didn't expect something like that. He was really surprised and at first seemed like he didn't know what to say until he got his thoughts together.

“Well, it's hard to fight against vampire venom. Even if it's a Herondale.” Magnus made a long and heavy pause before starting to talk again. “Luckily we can make an attempt to let the addiction disappear. It may or may not help you. In some cases it actually had a positive effect, so let's try it.” He left the room to go to his study and came back with a bottle, filled with a clear liquid.

“You just need to drink that, Jace” The warlock handed over the bottle and Jace took it.

“What is it?” He wanted to know

“Holy water. Don't worry. You might feel a bit sick afterwards but other than that... Well, we will see how it'll work.” Shrugged Magnus off and Jace nodded, looked over to Simon for a second, before opening the bottle and drinking what's inside.

Simon watched the Situation, then looked at Magnus, whose thoughts seem to wander off while he watched Jace drinking. When the Shadowhunter was done it took the warlock a moment to talk again.

“Great. The effects, if it's working out, might take a while” Magnus took the bottle again, then looked to Simon. “Now to you. Let's see. What are we doing with you?”

The vampire sighed and shrugged. “I don't know. Ever heard about that before?”

“Well, I don't think so. You're my first daylighter, you know? And Jace is my first Shadowhunter with angel blood. Let me have a closer look on you” He walked to him, rested his hand on Simon's head who could hear him say some words, before he felt his warm magic and closed his eyes. This feeling was so weird but he let Magnus check him.

When magic disappeared Simon looked up again. “And?”

“I have no idea. But we should find out how your body is reacting to other angel blood to make sure that's the reason for what is going on”

“What else should be the reason?” Jace asked, now coming closer.

“Well, I don't like to say it. But it's you then.” Magnus answered, making Simon frown.

“Why should Jace be the reason for anything?”

“Well, you tell me” The Warlock smiled. “There's an easy way to find out, though”

“How?” Simon asked, looking up to the men in front of him.

“Clary.”

“No. Absolutely not.” Alec now interrupted. “Are you suggesting Simon should drink from Clary?”

“What? No. I will not drink Clary's blood. I won't do any experiments and while I would be glad to not think about Jace too much anymore, I don't want Clary to have to deal with me. Also it's much easier for Jace to fight me if I lose control again. Well, at least he could if he wanted to...” Simon insisted. Jace glared at him but didn't say anything.

“We can make assumptions all we want and while I most certainly think that this is a really bad idea, we still have no other choice if we want to find out how your body is reacting”

Simon sighed deeply. He didn't really like the thought. What if instead of Jace then Clary was in his head or even worse – both of them. 

“Magnus I really don't think that's a risk we should take” Alec tried again. “And to be honest, I _can't_ let you do this.”

The warlock smiled softly, took a step to Alec, gently took his hand in his own. “I know, Alexander. That's why you are not the one who will make the decision. Neither is it Simon or me. Clary will have to decided it herself.”

Simon knew that Clary wouldn't say no, and so did Alec. So he just nodded. “Alright...”

“Perfect. I will message her if she's free tomorrow. You two will also come with her” With these words Magnus looked to Simon and Jace. “If you don't come, I will find you and make you come here.”

“And what should we do now?” Jace asked.

“Well, you go back to the institute and take a rest and Simon, you can go home if you want to. I guess it's better you'll stay away from Jace until tomorrow”

“Sounds good.” The vampire got up. He still wasn't sure if all of that was a good idea. But Magnus didn't seem like he'd give in. He had already decided that this would be the right way to find out if it was a angel blood thing – or a Jace thing. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Magnus brought him to the door. “Other than that you're okay?”

Simon nodded. “Yeah, I'm... just confused. But if we find out what's going on I guess I will feel better. See you tomorrow. Thank you for your help”

Gently the warlock smiled and let Simon leave, before coming back to the living room. Jace was still standing around, not showing any change in his expression. Was the holy water not working? Apparently not... But maybe it just took a bit longer.

“I'll portal you back to the institute. And please, rest, relax as good as you can. I know Shadowhunter really have a problem with that” With that he looked at Alec who just rolled his eyes, making Magnus grin.

He created a portal and Jace walked towards the portal. When Alec wanted to follow as well, Magnus stopped him.

“And you, my dear. Now that you're here, I think you should stay a bit longer...”

“Okay, I really don't want to hear that...” Jace murmured and left through the portal as fast as possible.


	10. Research

The next day Simon was at Magnus' loft quite early. He was nervous about what was happening, also he felt like some kind of guinea pig. Of course a daylighter was something new and special and so were Jace and Clary with their angel blood. But still it was a more than just weird feeling to know that the others would be watching while he'd feed on Clary. Even if they weren't around he'd feel so watched not being able to hide anything of what was going on.

“Sit down. Jace and Clary aren't here yet. But Clary already messaged me they're on their way. Do you want a drink?” Magnus asked and Simon nodded. The more he'd drink beforehand the less he'd drink from Clary, right?

A moment later Magnus sat down next to him, a cocktail in his hand, and passed a glass to Simon, who drank eagerly. 

“Oh, wow. What's that?” He asked. Somehow the taste was more intense than usual.

“Blood with a bit of pure plasma”

“Do you think that's a good idea?”

“It's not enough to give you a high but maybe enough to prevent you from any bloodlust.”

Still Simon wasn't sure about it but he went on drinking. Just as he had emptied his glass there was a knock at the door. Jace and Clary. Magnus got up to open the door.

“Hello, Biscuit” He said and pulled the young woman in a soft hug, before letting the two Shadowhunters in.

Simon now got up as well and when Clary came to him he also hugged her.

“Hey, you're alright? You seem nervous” She asked but Simon just nodded.

“Sure, I'm fine. I just...”

“Hey, it's okay. Really. I'm glad to help” She smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

Jace watched them, his body tense, which Simon didn't really notice but Magnus. He stood right next to the blond one.

“How are you? Did the holy water help?”  
Jace shrugged, then looked at the warlock. “It made me feel sick, but nothing changed”

That wasn't good. If there was no change... there was more going on than just a small addiction he'd overcome sooner or later anyway. Still, Magnus chose to stay quiet about his thoughts.

“Okay, we'll take care of that. But first of all... Simon and Clary”

When the four of them sat on the sofa, all having drinks in front of them, a uncomfortable silence was standing between them and Simon didn't really know how to deal with it. So he tried to break the silence.

“So...”

“Oh, yeah. Well. How do we start this? Do you just... I mean...” Clary held out her arm and Simon laughed a little. Clary seemed to be even more awkward about that than he was himself.

“It really depends. Do you prefer arm or neck or...”

Clary shrugged. “I guess arm is fine with me.”

“Okay then...” Simon took another look at Magnus and Jace, who seemed like he wanted to jump between them any second.

“Magnus? You... make sure nothing happens, right?”

“Of course. Don't worry. You won't hurt her”

Simon nodded, now gently touching Clary's arm. He looked at her wrist, heard her blood rushing through the veins. He could smell her and smiled a little at the soft flower scent. She moved a bit closer and put her other arm slightly around Simon.  
Jace's muscles tensed. Magnus looked at him. What was going on? He touched his shoulder carefully to hold him back if he wanted to jump up and do something without thinking.

Simon tried to only focus on Clary and her warmth, when she rested her head on his shoulder. He looked at her and Clary nodded encouragingly. So Simon finally bit down, felt her blood in his mouth. It was much richer than any human blood but... it wasn't the same. Something was different. He slowly let go of her, licked the last drops of blood off his lips.

“It's... not the same” He said instantly, now looking at Jace who looked furious until he realized that Magnus was keeping him in place with magic.

Clary took her stele, used her iratze rune. “I feel the same as always. No big deal” She explained and Magnus nodded, before addressing Jace again.

“Can I let go or will you do something stupid?” He asked.

Jace glared at him, but nodded slightly.

“Alright then.”

As soon as Jace could move again he got up. “That was a stupid idea! Magnus, so much could have happened! And you don't even have an idea if something is going on with Clary now. Or if Simon gets addicted to her as well. He's a vampire and unpredictable.”

Simon got up as well. “I'm unpredictable?  _ You _ were the one coming to my home, provoking me until I finally bit you! You  _ wanted _ me to feed on you!”

“You're a Downworlder! Do you really think I would let you-”

“Yeah, damn right I think you would!” Simon exclaimed. Jace reached for his collar, pulling the vampire closer. His hand was shaking in anger but when Simon looked him in the eyes, his expression was gentle and longing again.

Magnus magic was still flickering around his hand as he had actually wanted to interfere but now he was just staring at the two of them. And so did Clary. Something weird was going on. She could feel it as well and so she didn't even try to make the warlock stop them.

Simon and Jace were now standing there, eyes locked, Jace's hand still holding Simon by his shirt. The vampire could smell him so intense his knees got weak. The leather, coming from Jace's jacket, the wet earth and wood, the small traces of demons...

“Don't dare drinking from her again...” Jace whispered, pulling him even closer.

“Why?” Simon just asked without even moving. It was only his eyes which were wandering across Jace's face while he could feel his breath on his own. Everything inside of the vampire was screaming for Jace.

After a moment of silence Simon asked again: “Why?”

But again Jace didn't answer. Apparently finally realizing that they weren't alone he let go and took a step back, breathing heavy. What just happened? Confusion was not just visible on Simon's face.

“Simon, Clary? How do you feel?” Magnus asked to draw the attention back to why they were here.

“Not any different. Nothing changed” She said.

“Okay, that really is weird”

“Huh? Why?”

“Because if someone is bitten by a vampire at least something should change. There's no way you can't feel any different at all”

“Oh” Clary blinked. “That really is weird then.”

Simon sat down next to Clary again. “So did drinking Clary's blood help us in any way then?”

“I'm not sure yet” Magnus answered. “But I will be. I make sure I will find out what is going on and why Jace is... affected in this way, while Clary is not affected at all.”

“And me neither. I mean with Clary. Her blood is... I mean it is different from human blood but it's not... it's...”

“Not Jace's?” The warlock asked and Simon lowered his eyes.

“So that's it now?” Jace suddenly asked. “That was your test then?”

“Well, yes. I expected a different outcome. But for now that's it. Clary, Simon. Make sure you let me know if anything changes about you. Jace, you as well”

Clary and Simon nodded instantly, while Jace sighed.

“Alright. Can I leave then?”

“Sure. And stay away from Simon until I figured it out.”

“Of course... Clary, you're coming? I don't think it's good you wander around after being bitten by a vampire”

“Oh... yeah. Okay.” She kissed Simon goodbye, hugged Magnus again.

And with that Jace and her left with Simon following not long after.


	11. Taking care

While Magnus expected their visit, it still was a surprise when Clary and Alec were standing in front of his door the next day.

“Biscuit... Alexander. What a surprise. Come in” He hugged them both, took a moment longer with Alec and kissed him gently. “Drinks for you?”

He closed the door and led them to the living room.

“Nothing for me, Magnus.” Alec answered.

“Very well. Clary?”

“Thank you Magnus” Clary also declined.

A deep sigh left the warlock's lips while he mixed a drink for himself and sat down next to Alec. He took his hand in his own, pressed it gently, while his other hand held his glass.

“It's very rare to see you both here. So what is this about?” He asked but answered the question himself. “Jace and Simon.”

“Magnus, something must seriously be wrong. I'm still... I still feel no difference. So it's not about the angel blood but about Jace” Clary explained and also Alec was more than just worried.

“Yesterday when they were here... There was so much going on in Jace. It's been so much. I can't even explain what feelings. But I've never seen him like that, felt him like that” Alec also said and pressed Magnus' hand. “He needs to be okay again. Please tell me you know what's going on with him...”

“Well... more than about him I'm worried about Simon. Jace can only be a danger to himself. As for Simon, we don't really know what can happen.” Magnus voice was thoughtful and quiet. But Clary interrupted him.

“No! He... would never harm anyone! He's the nicest person I've ever know. He's so caring and-” 

“Biscuit...” Magnus amiable smile made her fall silent. “I _know_ he's a good boy. But he's also a vampire, now a daylighter, full of confusing emotions and with an addiction to Jace's blood. And no matter how good he is... He attacked Jace before. Even if he provoked it. Simon lost control. And it could happen again.”

“Then, what can I do?”

“Magnus, we really want to help. And we also need to know why Simon is reacting to Jace but not to Clary. They both have angel blood but what makes them different?”

Clary bit her lip, looked down, guilt showing on her face. She felt tears dwelling in her eyes.

“It... It's my fault” She said, trying to hold back crying.

Alec frowned. “What's your fault? What happened?”

“Jace... he... was dead.”

Alec pressed his lips together. He knew it. The rune had been gone! There was no other reason for it to disappear. “But how...?”

Magnus widened his eyes. “The wish. Did you... use Raziel's wish to bring Jace back?”

Clary nodded slightly. “I couldn't let him die. I just couldn't. I needed to save him. I... needed him back.”

“You really used _the wish_ to bring Jace back to life? Have you any idea....” Alec started but couldn't go on talking. Jace had been dead and it was only thanks to Clary he was back again. What would he have done if he would have had watched Jace die... He wouldn't have been any better.

He slowly got up, sat down next to Clary on the other sofa and wrapped his arms around her. “It's okay, Clary. It's alright. I would have done the same...” He whispered but even Magnus could hear it. His heart got heavy. Jace... he was so much for Alec.

“Magnus, can... that be the reason for the differences between his reactions?” The Shadowhunter asked his boyfriend.

“I've never come across any situation that's even close to what is going on here. So I really don't know. It could be but also maybe not. I have to find out. Clary, you have asked me what you can do. Alec, take her with you to your library. Go through every book that could contain information about angels, vampires, different blood types. Try to find out everything you can. Maybe we will find something that helps us to get to understand what is happening here”

“I don't want to read in old books when my friend is suffering!” Clary objected. “Reading books is maybe something for you or Alec but I actually need to do something!”

“I get that. But at the moment there is nothing else you can do as long as we don't know what exactly happens between the two.” Magnus answered.

Clary really was too stubborn for her own good sometimes. Maybe it helped in some situations but here they didn't know what was happening and as long as they didn't know it didn't make sense to rush into something and make decisions that wouldn't do any good.

“What I know” The warlock suddenly started again “Is that they should stay away from each other. Right now they might do more harm to each other than doing good.”

Alec nodded. “I will take care of Jace” He said instantly and Clary gave him a look. “What?”

“He's my boyfriend and-”

“He's my _Parabatai_. And someone needs to take care of the vampire as well.”

“That _vampire_ has a name!”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Take care of Simon. You can't look after both of them at the same time.”

Magnus shook his head. Clary really was special. He smiled a little at the Shadowhunters sitting on the sofa in front of them. They were so worried, both in their own way and both just wanted to do something. Even if Alec didn't express it like that... Magnus could see how restless Alec was.

“We will fix this” The warlock promised. “We will find out what is happening. And we will make it right. I already started checking my books but I couldn't find anything yet. Check in the institute as well. Alec, you could also ask Jace to join you there”

“I highly doubt he will, but I will try” Alec agreed.

Getting this right would be a huge challenge but not impossible. At least Magnus was convinced although he knew how hard it would be. But having seen Simon and Jace together the day before and now Alec and Clary... He had to do something.


	12. Confusion

While Simon had hoped they would come to a conclusion why he was feeling the way he did, the Situation got much worse. He had so many questions and couldn't even answer a single one. It was horrible. And the most annoying about all of it was the fact that Jace still was in his head and his smell around although he had only been here once and not even for a long time.

What should he do to get rid of his thoughts? Maybe he could go drinking a bit at the  _ Hunter's Moon _ and talk to Maia... Maia, well. She probably wasn't the best person to talk to right now. She didn't even message him. Nothing. So meeting her wouldn't be the best choice.

But he had to do something just sitting here, maybe creating a bit of music, just wasn't  _ it _ . He needed to go somewhere else, do something else. He just  _ had _ to. Maybe he could go to the cinema? Watching a movie? Maybe he would have other thoughts then? At least he could try.

Not much later he left his apartment, walked down the street. There was a cinema three blocks from his home. So it wasn't too far. And he could easily walk there. He'd take whatever movie would be shown right now. As long as he didn't have to think of Jace or his smell or...

He stopped, looked around. What if Jace was somewhere again? What if he followed him again? He didn't even know how he had found him the last times? Was he just constantly waiting in front of his apartment to watch him come and go and go after him? That was creepy.

But Jace didn't seem to be here. While all about him was in his head, he could not really smell him right now. So he went to the ticket shop, got a ticket for the next movie shown and went inside, to sit down in the already dark room. There were not many people around and he took a seat somewhere in the last row.

The movie was some boring love triangle drama he didn't really care about. But everything was better than listening to his head, constantly thinking about Jace. Every once in a while he came back to it, though. And after quite a while again his intense smell seemed to be all around. His imagination was just too good – at least that's what he thought.

“Hey, daylighter. Alone in the cinema? Must be pretty boring. Don't you have friends to come here with?” Jace asked while he sat down next to Simon.

Simon nearly jumped from his seat. “W-What? What are you doing here?” But he didn't even expect an answer. “How did you find me?”

Still, nothing. Jace didn't care to give him any answer. Instead he asked a question himself.

“Did something change?”

Simon sighed and shook his head. “Nothing. There's still... you. Just you.” He answered.

He didn't dare looking at the Shadowhunter. Smelling him was already enough and he seemed to get worse with self control with every time he was around Jace. Actually it was the first time they were that close. But there was the arm rest between them, keeping at least a short distance between the two.

“Same for me” Jace said after a while. “I don't know what is going on. This has nothing to do with addiction to any vampire venom” He admitted for the first time.

Simon looked at him in surprise. Before Jace had made it his fault but now he really gave up on that idea? “And it has nothing to do with angel blood... Why didn't you like me biting Clary? Why have you been so angry about it?” Somehow the vampire got the feeling that here, in the safe dark, Jace was able to talk. Even if it was just a few words... that was enough already. But this question was still standing between them and Jace was fighting on the inside, telling from his face, not sure if he could talk about it or not.

“No one will know. Whatever reason it is... I won't tell anyone, okay?” Simon said softly and Jace nodded.

“I... wanted to be the only one.”

“Huh?” The vampire frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... you... drinking from others than me, I don't like it.”

It took Simon a moment to really understand what he was telling him there. Jace wanted to be the only one he should drink from? Was he serious? But what reason would Jace have to lie? This was nothing where he could get something from – on the contrary. He made himself vulnerable and showed a side of him Simon never would have thought, really existed.

At the same time the vampire could focus on his own feelings as well. While he was drinking blood from those plastic bags every day... drinking from a human being was something different and... he didn't like to drink from Clary. He didn't like to drink from anyone... but he liked drinking from Jace. It was that weird addiction that made him think like this. He was sure about that. But... he also wanted to be open and tell Jace the same truth.

“I don't like it either.” Slowly Simon turned his head, now looking at Jace in the darkness that wasn't really dark for himself. He could see Jace's face in front of him. He could see his blue and brown eyes the same as he could in the sunlight. He could see the golden stubble of his beard. And he could also see the little smirk in the corner of his mouth as Jace turned to him as well.

They nearly were as close as days before, when they had been at Magnus' loft. But now there was no Clary or Magnus. Now it was only them in the safe darkness. Their eyes locked, both of them obviously waiting for the other to do something without even knowing what they actually wanted.

Simon's thoughts were circling around Jace again, around his smell, his taste and his body was craving for his blood. Just a little drop would already be enough. The aching was painful and difficult to handle without doing something stupid. His fingers were already dug in the arm rest, his knuckles white from the hard grip.

“Careful. You don't want to break it. Vampires... really. No self control. Like every-” His words were supposed to sound arrogant, like they always were. But suddenly there was that cold hand on his own and Jace's voice broke. Simon could hear Jace breathing in and he himself was completely tense. The warmth of the Shadowhunter's hand was like fire in his body. It was as intense as the rich taste of his blood.

Instantly Simon pulled back his hand. “W-what did you do? What... why...?”

Jace seemed as confused as himself. “I didn't do anything!”

“But why... what... I mean...” Did Jace feel the same? He really wasn't sure. But from the look on his face something must have been off. Or was it just Simon's reaction? The vampire really didn't know what to do now. Should he reach out for his hand again or...

Well, actually he had nothing to lose. So why not?

Slowly, his eyes on Jace's face, he reached out for his hand again, gently took it in his own and suddenly this craving for him wasn't as strong anymore as it had been before. Although he had expected Jace to pull back his hand, he didn't do so. He was holding Simon's in his own and looked at them, before he looked up, to watch the vampire whose face was a complete mess. He was trying to figure out what was going on and all the emotions running through his body were visible, like he was an open book.

Something about this touch made him calmer and still he wanted more. His body needed more. Maybe it really was some kind of an addiction? But Jace didn't seem to mind. Having him feed on him, now holding his hand, his eyes locked with Simon's... Something was going on with him as well.

“You want to drink again, right?” Jace asked quietly and Simon looked away. That must have been answer enough.

“You want me to drink again, right?” The vampire asked now but also didn't really get an answer – until he did.

Jace reached down, took his dagger and looked at Simon. The vampire hissed as his teeth were already growing at the thought of smelling his fresh blood. The blade was sinking down to Jace's wrist but just as he touched it the lights were turned on. The movie was over. And so was this moment between them. Simon felt as if he was woken up from a dream. He pulled back his hand, placed it over his mouth. 

“I-I'm sorry. Need to go.” He murmured and ran off, leaving Jace behind.

Simon's vampire speed brought him back to his apartment in just a short time and as soon as he had closed the door behind him, he leaned against it, slowly sinking down. What the fuck did just happen?


	13. All the legends are true

During the next days Magnus was busy with going through his books. He needed to find something that would help. Something that would change whatever was going on between the Shadowhunter and the vampire. Every once in a while he got an update from Alec. He tried to keep Jace in the institute which wasn't easy. And somehow the blond Shadowhunter managed to sneak out every once in a while. Of course Alec wasn't happy with that, but he also had to read through the institute's library, as well as being the head of the institute and taking care of all actions made.

At first Clary had been at Simon's place, but the vampire didn't want constant surveillance. He loved being with Clary but after the third day he asked her to help Alec in the institute. She should read through the books as well. So they would find something.

Simon felt like going crazy. While Jace didn't come over and he wasn't around – at least he didn't see or smell him around – this thoughts were wandering again. During the nights he dreamed of that moment in the cinema, of the touch of their hands, of his eyes locked with his own and the blade in his hand. But the dream didn't stop here. He fed on him, nearly crawling onto Jace's seat, biting his arm and licking off the trails of blood from his skin. When he woke he was so thirsty he emptied two bags of blood from his fridge.

He couldn't go on like this. Scared of hurting someone, he called Magnus, asking him if he could come over. At the moment the warlock's loft seemed like the only safe place. He could put up wards, keep him in control with magic. At least if it was necessary. Of course the warlock agreed and created a portal for Simon so he didn't have to leave his apartment. Magnus let Alec know about it and the Shadowhunter decided it was a good idea. Maybe Magnus would also find something out by watching him and seeing his reactions to everything around the vampire.

It was Jace who didn't find out about it. At least not from Alec or Magnus. He had been lingering in front of Simon's apartment for a while now. After he had snuck out of the institute again he went to the college. He already knew about Simon's college times. But he wasn't there. So he used his tracking to find him and he was at home – until he wasn't anymore. When he had decided to see the vampire again and knocked at his door no one opened. Where was he? Why wasn't he here? He had been before. And didn't leave his apartment!

He hurried back to the institute, found Alec in the library.

“Simon's gone!”

Alec looked up from the book he was just reading and even Clary looked slightly in panic when hearing about it. She got up, checked her phone.

“Why didn't Magnus tell us?” She asked and Alec frowned.

“No idea. It doesn't really make sense. How should he have-”

“Magnus?” Jace asked confused. “He's at Magnus'?”

Alec nodded, now slightly tensing. “Wait. Have you been at Simon's apartment again?”

Clary crossed her arms. “Magnus took him in.” She explained and Jace relaxed a little. But he could also see the anger in Alec's eyes. 

“I told you to stay here. Stop going after him!” He was angry and disappointed and Jace knew he did mess up.

“Sorry...”

“Your excuses won't help anyone right now. Why were you there?”

“I just... wanted to make sure he's okay and...” There was no way Jace could tell him the truth. Not just about him visiting Simon at home but also the trip to the cinema.

“I will... go back to my room.” Jace said with a sigh and Alec nodded.

“I will find out if you sneak out again.” He answered, looking at Clary. “I'll be back in five”

He left the library with Jace and brought him to his room. On his way back he asked another Shadowhunter to guard the room of his Parabatai so he'd find out if he would try to leave again. If that was the only possibility to keep him here, then so it be.

It took Magnus about a week, many cocktails and long nights, of which he also spent some with Simon, who was helping him after he had moved in, until he found a book that was the first little hint.

' _ And there will come the day that the one with demon blood will become holy and will be forever connected to the one with holy blood who gave this holy life by free will. Their lives therefore must be shared and never may they be parted.  _ The bond of holy love _ is the deepest of them all. _ '

Magnus read the paragraph out loud and Simon wasn't sure if he really understood, took the book to read it again and again.

“Do you thing this is... meant to be us? I'm... with demon blood and... Jace is the one with holy blood?” Jace _did_ give him this life as a daylighter by free will, indeed. But this was just a few sentences in an old book. “And what does this mean, _the bond of holy love_?” He shook his head. “This makes no sense...”

“In fact, it makes a lot of sense. You feel drawn to each other, to the point where Jace even let's you bite him. And you? You're always thinking about him. There most certainly is some kind of bond between you...” Magnus spoke his mind and smiled a little. 

“Do you think there is a way to... destroy this bond?” Simon wanted to know. He had no interest in this bond. He didn't want it. It made him feel confused and he had no idea how to deal with it and how it would get better.

“I'm not sure. Also...” Magnus looked at the words again. “The deepest bond... this sounds pretty important. And like something that should happen... I will have to look into that and try to find out more about that.”

Simon nodded, read the paragraph again and again. He could feel the warlock's eyes resting on him, obviously waiting for a reaction to that one sentence the vampire tried to ignore. But he just needed to talk about it.

“I... can't share my life with that arrogant and stupid Shadowhunter and also I don't want to. Why should we never been parted? This is... is just an old story. I know about things like that. Old books and stories can maybe be guidelines but no rules. I _refuse_ to believe that there is any need to-” Simon stopped talking when he saw the grin on Magnus' lips. “What?”

“Nothing. I just find it amusing that this matter seems so important to you. But to be honest, I agree with you there. Sharing anything sounds more dangerous than anything else to me. Until we have further details you shouldn't see him and shouldn't come close to him. We don't know what can or will happen. Besides the fact that you want to drink his blood.”

Simon nodded and stayed quiet for a moment. “I guess I... need to tell you... about... what happened when we... were together. When we... were close...”

“When did that happen? After we decided that you should stay away from each other?”

“It's not my fault!” The vampire got up, started walking up and down in the room. “I went to the cinema and... suddenly Jace was there as well and... we talked and then...”

“Then?”

“Our hands touched and... I don't know how to describe it but it was intense. It was similar to what I feel when I drink his blood. And I wanted to do it again but I didn't but... he also... wanted me to drink it and... I just don't know what happened. It was so weird. And it was only that small touch of our hands. Then the lights were turned on and I fled which was for the best. But I just don't understand...”

Magnus' eyes widened. “Just by the touch of your hands?”

Simon stopped walking and looked at Magnus, nodded slightly.

“That's weird. But maybe that's part of the bond, though I can't see a good part in this. If you feel like that from even a touch and want to feed on him... that's even more dangerous.”

“I know! And... I want to stay away from him but at the same time I don't and I don't know what I should do now!”

“First of all, you will stay here, Simon. And we will find out more about this bond. I will ask other warlocks about it and I will also ask Alec to look for that specific bond in the institute's books. Don't worry. We will make sure to get more details.”

The look Magnus got from Simon was a look of doubt. He wanted to believe, to trust. But right now it was really difficult.

“Thank you... I really hope you can find out more. I... don't want this anymore. I don't want to be bonded to him. He's the last person I would ever-”

“Well, I'd like to agree on that. Still, he's also Alec's Parabatai and the bond between the two wouldn't be if Jace only was a stupid prick.” Magnus sighed deeply. “Okay, I can't believe I just said that. I think I need a drink. Plasma for you?”

“Yes, please. Make sure it's a lot.”


	14. Distrust

The days went by fast while Magnus, Simon, Alec and Clary tried to find more details on the bond.  _ The bond of holy love _ . Whatever it was, there was not much about it. Going through all the institute's books would take forever anyway. And Alec had to take care of Jace as well. He wanted to leave the institute, wanted to hunt demons – at least that's what he said. In the end Alec had no idea what Jace really wanted to do. What if he wanted to find Simon again? But he was with Magnus, so it shouldn't be a big deal? He wasn't sure about what to do and in the end he messaged the warlock who agreed on letting Jace out for missions. He'd put up wards for his loft in case Jace would try to come here.

Simon who at first had felt good being with Magnus, since he helped him to distract his thoughts, felt worse with every day. He tried to not let it show but it wasn't easy. He'd always been a positive person. Right now he wasn't though. He was miserable. The craving for Jace had been a voice in the back of his head, becoming louder until it screamed at him and he even felt pain. Pain, that was growing and he didn't know what to do about it.

_ 'Their lives therefore must be shared and never may they be parted' _

What if he made things up and all of this happened just because he had read this stupid legend? This myth that some people hundreds of years ago wrote down... It couldn't be real. No way this was something serious. There was nothing like predicting the future. But why was he feeling like this, if it wasn't true? Was it really just his head or was the book right after all?

Whatever it was... he needed to see Jace.

When coming to the kitchen to grab himself blood from the small fridge Magnus had prepared for him he met Magnus who was making himself a small meal.

“Magnus? How... is... Alec? He must have a lot to do with the books and... Jace, right? Did he write anything?”

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Is this about Alec or Jace?” He asked without judging the vampire next to him.

“I... don't know.” Okay, that was a lie and Simon was a horrible liar. “It's about Jace. Magnus. It... it hurts. It seriously hurts. My body... it's aching and I don't know why. I just... I just know I need to see Jace. I...” But his voice broke. Just saying that name made everything worse.

The warlock looked at him alarmed. “You're in pain?”

“I am.”

“Maybe you're finally getting over your addiction to his blood”

Oh, that was interesting. Simon didn't even think about that. What if that was true? What if that was a sign of not getting his blood anymore? Like a drug withdrawal? That really made sense.

“Meaning I just have to get through this? And afterwards I will feel better?” He had seen it with his mother and now it was him...

“It's not impossible, right? Let's give you another week and we'll see how you're feeling afterwards”

Simon nodded slightly. He wanted to get rid of this feeling. And if this was the only way, he'd get through it.

And while Simon hid in his room most of the time, playing video games on a console Magnus got for him, Jace coped with his feelings in a completely different way. He took every single mission, fought the demons recklessly and without any tactics. Every time Jace left the institute Alec was worried even more. He was scared that one time Jace might not be coming back – at least not alive. The day before he had broken his arm together with a serious injury on his chest. It was like he didn't even care and it was Alec who couldn't deal with that anymore. When Jace came back from the next mission he took him to his office.

“You will stop this. No missions for you anymore.”

Jace laughed and shook his head. “Great joke. I need to-”

“Stay. And listen. I will not watch you getting killed by some demon because apparently you do not care about anything anymore. I can feel what's going on with you, Jace. Let me help you.”

“You can't help me! You don't even know what's going on. Everyday you're going through those stupid books, but did you find out anything yet? NO! You have no idea what is happening with me. And you don't know what I'm going through.”

“Because you don't talk! Since Simon bit-”

“Don't say his name!” Jace body got tense and his fists were shaking. But the words coming out of his mouth sounded completely different “I-I can't breath...”

Hearing Jace's voice like this, so scared and broken was heart wrenching. “Jace...”

Alec swallowed hard, came closer to his Parabatai and pulled him into a hug. “I'm here for you...”

“I know. I just... I don't know what is happening with me. It's painful, Alec. I'm hurting... And your stupid books are-”

“Magnus. Magnus has found something.”

The silence was thick and heavy. Both of them felt uncomfortable. Then slowly Jace looked up. “When?”  
“A few days ago...”

“And... you didn't tell me?”

“It's nothing meaningful. Not... not yet. It's just a myth and...-”

“You kept it secret from me. You're one to talk. Telling me I should talk to you but... You know more and you don't tell me?!” Jace pushed him away. “What did Magnus find out? I have a right to know”

Alec bit his lip, then took his phone and showed Jace what Magnus had sent him.

' _ And there will come the day that the one with demon blood will become holy and will be forever connected to the one with holy blood who gave this holy life by free will. Their lives therefore must be shared and never may they be parted.  _ The bond of holy love _ is the deepest of them all. _ '

Jace heart was pounding in his chest while he read the words.

“ _The bond of holy love_? What kind of joke is that? That damn vampire did something to me and this stupid book is talking about an oh-so-precious bond? This makes no sense. I really hope you don't believe this shit.”

Alec shrugged. “To be honest, I'm not sure. I mean, look at you. The way you're both craving for each other... Since the bite you both are weird. You're both  _ feeling _ weird. There can't be just nothing... and I'm at the point where I tend to believe there's more about it than mere addiction. It usually wears off much faster...”

“I'm _NOT_ in love with that vampire!”

Alec stared at him. “That's not what I-”  
“I don't care, okay? I hate that stupid daylighter. Don't you dare believing a single word of this shit. Drinking blood can't make you fall in love with anyone!” Jace's anger grew. “I will go now. And I will pay Magnus a visit. He came up with this idea and I will tell him he should forget about it.”

“You can't go to Magnus.” Alec reached out for his arm but Jace pulled it away.

“And why can't I?”

“Because Simon-”

“I told you to not say his name!”

Alec was seriously shocked to see Jace like this. He'd never seen him that confused and angry before. And yet there was that deep pain inside of him. Did he try to distract himself from that by getting all angry? There was no way this would be good and healthy to him.

“Jace, please.”

“No. I'm gonna leave. Don't even try to hold be back. Write your _boyfriend_ I will come over. And I want to talk to him.”

Not sure of what to do Alec hesitated, then messaged Magnus. Jace would go to him anyway. And it would clearly be better if Magnus could calm him down instead of Jace trying to fight the wards and get hurt by doing so.

When Alec was done Jace took a last disappointed look at him and he was hit hard by that. But he didn't say anything, just watched Jace leaving.

Magnus wasn't really surprised that Jace would come to his loft to have a talk. But he was worried for Simon. He was going through a lot right now and he might finally have reached the point where he could get rid of constant thinking of Jace. With Jace being here though, he might have a relapse and he couldn't let that happen.

This is why he went to the vampire's room, knocked and opened the door when he heard Simon asking him in.

“Hey... I need you to stay in your room. I will put a spell on it. So you can't hear what's going on outside. A client is going to come over and-”

“Jace. You can tell me. It's alright. Jace will come over.”

Magnus sighed. Of course he knew. “Yes. It's Jace. So-”

“It's okay. I will stay here and... won't come out.” Simon knew how important it was to not listen to his body which was now hurting even more.

“I will make sure you won't hear or smell him.”

“Thank you, Magnus...”

When the door was closed again Magnus used a spell so Simon was safe. And it didn't take much longer until he heard Jace knocking on the door of his loft – it was loud and for a second he feared that the Shadowhunter would actually break the door. This would be difficult. Jace was the complete opposite of Simon. He was reckless, stubborn and always acted without thinking. But he knew there was no way to avoid the conversation with him. So he went to the door and opened it, found himself face to face with the blond Shadowhunter.


	15. Be safe

“What did you tell Alec?” Jace asked while strutting into his apartment. He didn't even seem to realize that his eyes moved around, searching for something... or someone.

“Come in, Jace...” Magnus murmured although Jace was already in the living room. “I just told him about a theory. A legend, maybe just a myth. Nothing else”

The Shadowhunter frowned at these words. “That's already enough. Alec thinks I'm in love with the daylighter. With a  _ vampire _ . As if that was even possible!” 

The air was heavy from Jace's anger.

“I said no such thing” Magnus answered quietly. “I'm not even sure that _the bond of holy love_ is supposed to be love in the classic, romantic way but could mean the act of selflessness that... you showed, when letting Simon feed on you.”

“Don't say his name...”

Magnus raised an eyebrow. Why shouldn't he? “What's wrong with his name?”

“Just don't say it. It's none of your business.”

“I find it important, though. What's wrong with Simon's name?” The warlock wanted to know and Jace tensed instantly. He looked around again, which made Magnus wonder. “Are you looking for Simon? Don't worry. He's safe. Why do you care?”

“I don't. I don't care about him!”

There was no need to be Jace's Parabatai to know that something was going terribly wrong. There was something about Jace... that didn't feel right. Why did Simon's name bother him so much? He looked like he was going to attack Magnus anytime soon. Never before had he seen the blond young man like this before. And what about Alec? Was he alright? Did he feel what Jace was going through?

“Where is he?” Jace wanted to know but Magnus just shrugged.

“Safe. But this is not about him but about you. So tell me, what is going on?”

“None of your business.” The Shadowhunters brought it to an end. “I don't even care about him.”

“And yet, you want to know where he is.”

“I just want to make sure he's safe from you. You're the one that's dangerous and put him to risk. That's why I'm here. To make sure he's okay and not in any sort of danger. As a Shadowhunter that's my job.”

“Safe from me?” Magnus chuckled. “Why should he be in danger?”

“Because you locked him somewhere.”

“I did, indeed. And he agreed to it. So he won't do anything stupid while you're here, like... biting you.” The warlock turned to his bar and got himself a drink.

“I need to make sure he's alright.”

The Shadowhunter was so confusing and still his behavior made it very clear that there was something going on. “You can call him, ask him if-”

“Magnus! I _need_ to see him!”

Jace's eyes were darker than usual and his hand already held a seraph blade that still was on his belt. Never before Magnus had seen him like this. And it reminded him of Simon and the way he had behaved.

“Are you in pain? Is your body craving to see Simon? Does it hurt?” The warlock asked exactly about the symptoms the vampire also suffered from but the other didn't answer. Well, at least he didn't say something. That was already answer enough to him, though. And he really wasn't sure anymore if it was the addiction wearing off or if there really was something behind it. “Simon said something similar and-”

“He's hurting? What did you do?!”

“I didn't do anything, Jace. It's this... whatever it is and- Jace! Stop!”

As soon as Jace was sure that Magnus had done something to Simon – which was obvious, right? He didn't even deny it – Jace pushed the warlock aside. Magic could easily stop the Shadowhunter but... he wanted to see what would happen. At least  _ if _ something would happen. The wards around Simon's room were still up so he couldn't hear or smell anything outside of it.

Magnus didn't know how, but the Shadowhunter found his room pretty fast. But now the other looked at the door, his breath going fast. “Simon?”

But there was no answer. He knocked, but still there was nothing.

“He's in there, right? I know he's in there. What have you done to him, Magnus!” Jace now stomped towards the warlock.

“It's a spell. He can't hear you. But he's okay. Don't worry.” Magnus tried to calm him but it didn't really work out.

“You did something to him. That's why you keep him here, right? Experimenting on a daylighter. I guess his hair and blood are pretty useful ingredients for your potions!”

Daylighter experiments? That was something new. Jace really was creative and with those accusations he really got him by surprise and he didn't see his fist coming that met with his face. Magnus made a step backwards, instantly held up his hands to shield himself with magic. Jace was not interested to do anything to him again. Instead he turned to the door again. “Simon? Can you hear me?!” He kicked against the door and the ward around it lit up for a moment.

Again he called his name and tried to fight the magic.

Simon was in the room, waiting nervously. He was walking up and down but didn't hear anything. At least for a while. Then suddenly it was like someone was calling his name. No, not just someone! Jace! He could hear him! “Simon! I'll get you out!”

Out? Why? What did he mean? But no matter why... hearing his voice was already enough for the vampire. “Jace!” He started fighting the magic as well.   
He had been so determined to not see him but hearing him, hearing how worried he sounded – something quite new – he couldn't hold back.

Magnus was pretty sure that no one could break through it and yet, somehow the two managed to get it done. When they finally broke it a bright light was visible for a second, before the door also fell into pieces. Magic was already rising in Magnus again, when they both looked at each other, Simon still in the room, Jace in front of it. Their eyes were locked and they didn't say a word, didn't even move. It was a weird atmosphere. An atmosphere that showed more, though. Magnus could feel there was something going on.

Although they had been aggressively fighting the spell no they were so calm, doing nothing but looking at each other until it was finally Simon who started talking. “Why... why did you...-”

“I needed to make sure he didn't do anything to you. I... didn't trust him.”

Simon frowned but nodded slightly. “I'm okay...” He was confused by how soft the words of the Shadowhunter were.

“Good. I can leave then.”

The moment was gone as fast as it had been coming. Simon couldn't just let him go now. Jace being here was soothing for the pain in is chest and so he reached out for the Shadowhunter, grabbed his wrist and pulled him back a bit. The skin on skin touch with him was intense and nearly too much. He let go soon, took a step back. What had happened there again?

Obviously he wasn't the only one to feel that though. Jace was breathing heavily and his heartbeat was so loud in his ears. He had already been focused on him but now it got even worse.

Whatever that feeling was, Simon wanted it again. Jace's smell of wet wood after rain and the leather of his jacket just weren't enough. He wanted to actually feel him. So he reached out again, carefully took his hand and his teeth started growing.

However, that was the moment for Jace to make a step back. He pulled back his hand, confused and obviously not knowing what to do. “Don't touch me.”

His words hit harder than they maybe should have. “You...”

“I... don't know what is happening.”

But Simon took his hand again. He held it in his own, tighter this time. And again this feeling was there. They felt drawn to each other. Just holding hands was already a lot and they both had to deal with a lot of feelings. While Simon's hunger got bigger, Jace wanted to feel more of him again. He wanted his teeth digging in his skin, his lips red from his blood... And when Simon took his other hand as well, he led his arm to his mouth. Simon sighed at the smell and licked his lips. But he couldn't bite, as Magnus stopped him. With a spell he pulled them away from each other, far enough so they couldn't touch each other again.

Maybe he should have been prepared for what happened next. But could he really have been? Could he have been prepared for Simon using his vampire powers against him? The warlock felt a dull pain on his head when he landed at the wall, all around him turning black.


	16. The bond

“Simon stop...!” Jace's voice brought him back.

The vampire looked at his hands. What did he do? He had thrown Magnus up against the wall and now he was lying there, but was still breathing. Slowly he walked towards him, kneeled down next to him and gently touched his arm. But the other didn't really move.

Jace joined Simon to check Magnus. After all he knew a bit more about situations like this.

“He's just unconscious.” He explained. “Let's put him on the sofa.”

Simon nodded, took the warlock on his arms and carried him to the living room to put him down there. His hands were shaking and he took a look at Jace who was standing next to him.

“Don't worry. He will wake up again...”

Simon still didn't know what happened. But somehow feeling Jace taken from him again let him lose control. He took a deep useless breath that still managed to calm himself down a bit. “I hope he's okay again, soon”

Jace nodded. “He will. He's a healthy invincible warlock. There is no way you can do any serious harm to him”

The Shadowhunter was probably right. He couldn't have done anything to him to really harm him.

The silence between the two of them made Simon nervous. He wanted to say something but didn't know what. The moment from before was over and still he wanted to find out what was going on. He wanted his touch again, reach out for his hand, feel him on his skin, but instead Jace took a step aside and started talking again.

“You should really work on your skills. You need to be in control of yourself. But I guess that's the demon blood”

Why did the Shadowhunter try to provoke him again? Why was he rude again and treated him like this, when just before he had been so different.

“I do have control! It's just... he... he wanted-” _to part us again,_ he wanted to say but he couldn't. The words stuck in his mouth, not coming out. Part them? That was really stupid. He had just wanted for Simon to not drink Jace's blood again.

“He wouldn't have to if you could have controlled yourself!”

“Me? You basically forced me to bite you again!” Simon's anger rose again and me made a step in Jace's direction while the Shadowhunter just looked at him, his heart beating fast. Wait. Why did it beat that fast?

Simon tried to think. What was going on with Jace. Did he feel the same and was confused and therefore behaved like that? Before he had been different. Or had it been because of him? Some influence he had on him? And now he was back to himself?

“Jace. I... I want to... I... I _need_ to find out what is going on. What this feeling is about and why... why it was so painful while I couldn't see you.” Simon knew he gave Jace the perfect points to laugh about him or attack him with any harsh words but he didn't. There was silence again and Simon took another step in his direction. “I know Magnus wouldn't want us to... to touch or... wouldn't want me to drink your blood and I don't even want to drink it – I mean I do, but... you know? I just want to get this. _Us_.”

With surprise on his face he realized that Jace nodded slightly.

“I want to understand it as well. I felt like the pain was ripping me apart. But now it's... it's nearly gone... Since our hands touched... it's just gone”

Simon nodded as well. He could feel the same. No pain anymore, yet his body was craving for him. It was aching to finally be closer to the other, taste his blood on his lips. And while his head tried to keep his thoughts away from Jace's angel blood, his ears seemed to only hear the heartbeat and the blood running through his veins.

Although Simon was coming closer it was Jace who was finally the one closing the distance between them. He gently touched his hand, took a deep breath. How could he feel like this?

Simon held his hand tighter, his eyes resting on Jace's face, then moving to his neck, focusing his pulse. No. He shouldn't do that. He-

“Can we... try something?”

Somehow the voice of the Shadowhunter distracted him again from what he... or his body wanted to do. “What do you want to try?” He asked, still somewhat focused on his neck.

“If it's only our hands...”

It took a moment until Simon understood. But then he nodded slightly and Jace slowly rested his hand on the vampires shoulder, frowned when there was no feeling rushing through his body.

“Okay, this doesn't work... but how about...” He moved his hand further, finally touching Simon's cold skin on his neck. The vampire gasped at the sensation.

He moved his own free hand to Jace's chest, touched it softly but again nothing happened. So he let go of his hand, brought both to his jacket. Asking, nearly demanding, Simon looked at the other, who nodded slightly. So he carefully pushed the jacket over his shoulders, down his arms and threw it on the armchair next to the sofa where Magnus was still lying.

Simon's hands touched Jace's arms and he felt the warm skin under his fingers. The Shadowhunter breathed in sharply but let him touch. It was cold and hot at the same time. But it didn't happen, when it wasn't their skin that directly touched. Again Jace's hands moved to Simon's neck, that was the only free spot besides his hands as the other wore one of his hideous longsleeves under his t-shirts. His fingers slowly touched the cold skin, felt the shivering of Simon and looked at him, their eyes longing and soft. He felt like he couldn't breath, when the vampire moved even closer and so he pushed him away at his shoulders but not to get rid of him. He just wanted to go on looking at him. When Simon smiled a little, the long vampire teeth were visible. A shiver ran down Jace's spine and he couldn't even tell why. He just had to think of the moment when Simon had bit him and he had felt somehow... complete.

The silence was comforting and so were the soft and careful touches. But Simon still felt like he wanted more, though it was different from before. It was a deeper feeling but he wasn't sure what he could do. Carefully he moved his hands to Jace's neck, felt the blood beneath it.

“Jace... I... I feel so much. I don't know what this is but... I just.”

“Me too.” The Shadowhunter answered and shrugged. He also had no idea how to deal with all of this.

Slowly Simon took a step back. He didn't want to do too much. But it was now Jace who took it to the next step. He got rid of his shirt, threw it aside.

“Take it off.”

Simon stared at him, his eyes moving over his chest, which was all muscles and oh, how much he envied him for that, before he looked up again. He nodded slightly and followed his command.

The Shadowhunter pulled him even closer until their bodies touched. A little whimper left Simon's lips. He felt Jace's heat all around him, slowly moving into him. This moment was the weirdest sensation. It was warm and he felt so good.

Slowly Simon raised his arms, put them around Jace's neck and rested his head on his shoulder. After a few seconds there was one soft and gentle hand in his hair, the other around his hips.

“Don't move...” Jace said quietly and Simon nodded. He didn't intend to move anyway. This was way too comforting. Slowly he closed his eyes, listened to Jace's heart beat.

Although he could smell his blood, could hear it, nearly feel how it was rushing through Jace's body there was no hunger inside of him. While before he had been craving to be close to him and feed on him... this urge had disappeared as soon as he was actually  _ really _ close to the Shadowhunter.

_ Buh-bump... buh-bump... _

Simon smiled at the sound of Jace's heart beat in his ears which sounded and felt like it was his own. For a moment he nearly felt human again and he didn't want the feeling to disappear, so his grip got tighter. But he wasn't the only one who felt differently.

Jace's arm around his hips held him close and the hand on his head gently played with his hair. He had been with many people, but being this intimate without any intention to go further was new to him. Just being close, holding each other. And to top it all:  _ Simon _ . The noisy, clumsy nerd who was annoying most of the time and very clearly also was a man. Jace had never been into men. He didn't even have a closer look on them. And yet, there he was – the vampire who usually got on his nerves, was standing in his arms, shirtless and obviously enjoying the moment. But so did Jace as well.

However the moment was over soon when they heard Magnus groan. He was finally awake again and Simon flinched in surprise. He had nearly forgotten about the warlock who was lying on the sofa next to them.


	17. Two souls touching

Simon still didn't know what exactly had happened back then. It felt like a dream, something he didn't really experience but just made up. And it was confusing. Feeling Jace that close had been new and so many emotions were swirling around in his head since the day before. But everything had been brought to a end when Magnus had woken up again... and he'd been furious. Well, no wonder. Simon had thrown him against the wall. That surely wasn't too pleasant. And the vampire understood very well why Magnus had reacted like that. He also had been no less confused than Simon himself. Seeing the two in the middle of his living room, only half dressed and in a deep hug. That must have been pretty new to him as well. And while he had thrown Jace out instantly and hadn't even let him dress himself, Simon had to stay for a couple more minutes, listening to Magnus' worries and his anger as well.

“ _Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?”_

“ _You didn't know what would happen!”_

“ _You could be dead. Everyone around you could be dead!”_

Simon hadn't thought about this possibility and in hindsight he really had been stupid and reckless. But his body had been drawn to Jace's. And the Shadowhunter had felt the same way, right? No matter how weird it had been, he had felt complete in a strange but comfortable way.

Now he felt just... empty. Like something or someone was missing again. He felt the thirst for, what he was sure about, was Jace's blood. A deep sigh left his lips. He probably would be lucky if he would see Jace again from far away since the Shadowhunter hadn't been too fond of finding out what was going on from the beginning. But with this step further Simon wanted to explore this bond even more. He wanted to find out what it meant and what would come out of it. Something that was pretty much impossible as long as Jace didn't want to-

Suddenly there was a knock on his door. He had been so much in his thoughts that he hadn't realized that a visitor came. Now he heard the heart beat of the person in front of his door and came to open it. Jace was standing in front of him, clearly confused, like he didn't expect to see Simon but someone else opening the door.

  
Without a word they stared at each other before Simon took a step aside to let Jace in. He closed the door, then looked at Jace again. Why was he here? And why did Simon let him in. Magnus had told him to not see him again, but... he needed to. How could any of this be wrong when he felt like this. That was bad. Really bad. Not only because of the warlock but also because Simon didn't have blood for quite a while now and the Shadowhunter's smell was just too good.

Jace started walking around his apartment, touching everything and obviously trying to avoid for whatever reason he had come here.

“Jace...? Talk to me. Why did you come?”

The Shadowhunter stopped and turned around to look at Simon again. “I needed to...”

A soft smile appeared on Simon's lips and he came closer, reached out for Jace's hand. The warmth of his skin heating up his whole body. There was this sensation again, the craving for more... the intense longing.

“Can we... try again...?” Simon dared to ask. It took a moment until there was a slight nod from Jace and his heart beat got faster.

While getting rid of his Jacket, Jace continued looking at Simon but the vampire didn't just want to stand there. He slowly pushed up Jace's shirt, touching is bare stomach and chest while doing so, then threw the shirt on the sofa. With a deep, shaky and pretty useless breath he finally rested his hands on his chest. He could feel the muscles but also that tickling sensation under his fingers that made him nervous but was somewhat soothing.

“May I?” But without really waiting for an answer Jace already pushed Simon's sweat jacket over his shoulders and started undressing him. His eyes rested on the vampire's face while doing so and his expression was soft and gentle, something Simon had never seen on him before. He looked so caring...

After the hoodie was gone, his shirt followed and the situation seemed quite familiar with the happenings of the day before. But Jace didn't pull him closer. Instead his hands moved over his body, from his neck to his shoulders, his chest and wherever he touched Simon the vampire felt warmth spreading in his body. Still, it was strange to be touched like that. Especially by Jace. A man. A man he couldn't even stand. And Jace... he also couldn't stand the vampire, right?

Simon brought up his arms again as well, to gently touch Jace's chest, moving upwards to his neck. He felt his pulse beneath his fingers and his teeth were growing. But he tried to ignore it, just wanted to... touch the Shadowhunter. Slowly he came closer and Jace put his arms around the vampire who now rested his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes, while his hands were on Jace's chest again. He didn't just hear his heart but also felt it this way.

“What do you think this is?” The blonde's voice was quiet and worried and Simon... didn't really know how to answer that.

“I... don't know? But it's... it feels right. It feels like this is... how it should be” The vampire tried and Jace smiled softly, pulled him even closer while he hummed in agreement.

“Do you think... there is even more about it? After all it's supposed to be... _love_...” Simon felt strange saying that but maybe there was more. Maybe there _should be_ more.

“You mean... like what?”

“I don't know. I don't even know how... what... what I should call this... whole thing” The vampire shrugged and looked up to Jace, his head still on his shoulder, facing his neck. His smell was all around but the touching of their bodies stopped him from doing anything. He just moved a little closer, his lips nearly reaching the Shadowhunter now.

While one hand of Jace still rested on Simon's back, the other hand moved up to his hair, pushing his head even closer to his neck and a soft groan left his lips.

“Jace, don't... I'm not-”

“It's okay... I don't... want you to bite me. Just be closer”

“Why...?” The vampire asked softly.

“It feels... it's different. It goes deeper. I feel assured you're here.”

Simon frowned but at the same time... these words touched something inside of him. So he smiled a little. This moment was so... intimate.

“Why did you come to Magnus?” Simon asked quietly while still standing close to him, feeling his arms and listening to his heart. Other than that it was silent in the room. Jace didn't answer.

“Jace? Why did you come?” He asked again.

“To talk to Magnus... About this bond. And suddenly I was only able to think about-” Jace didn't go on. And also he didn't need to. Simon knew it. Why was it like that? Why did he feel that good right now? And what if it was actually dangerous? What if there was more about the bond than just this good feeling? There could be some many things going wrong...

Taking another deep breath Simon made a step back, his body suddenly feeling incredibly cold.

“We... shouldn't do this. We don't know what can happen. This is... I mean...”  
Jace's expression turned blank. “Yeah, sure.” He took his shirt and put it back on again. “Right, I shouldn't come here again.”

Jace had trusted him in this. Trusted him, that the situation wouldn't become weird. Trusted him, that Simon felt the same as he did. But this was obviously false. Simon didn't feel the same. At least that's what Jace thought.  
Simon on the other hand felt exactly that and this was why he tried to bring some distance between the two of them. He was worried something bad could happen. Even if this felt right, it didn't mean it really was. There could be something happening within both of them. It could hurt them, make them vulnerable to everything around them and Jace couldn't dare to be vulnerable. He was a fighter, a soldier, a Shadowhunter. He had to be strong and fit and shouldn't suffer from anything that could make him weak, right?

Watching Jace leave was painful. It was like something important was taken from Simon, but it was for the better. It was the right thing to do. Because until now they just didn't know what was going to happen if he'd stayed.


	18. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Torture

With Jace not being with him and Simon not being able to see him the pain in the vampire was growing again. He felt like a part of him was missing and he hated it. It wasn't just that Jace was staying away from him in general. It was also knowing that he caused it to happen. It was his own fault. But a part of him really had been scared and now... now he regretted it that he had sent him away.

There was no way he could write him or call him. Everything would make him seem desperate and it would be like begging Jace to come back to him.  _ Come back to him _ , was that even the right expression? He really had no idea what was going on and staying in his apartment alone didn't make anything better. He had too much time to think and too much time to focus on that feeling that was pulling on him, somehow telling him to see Jace again. But could he really?

Jace would laugh at him and send him away if not the other Shadowhunter would lock him in some cell for coming too close to the institute. Why was his life going like that? Why did Jace offer Simon to feed on him? Just... why? If that didn't happen, none of this would have happened. He would still feel... normal. And not like... this. Not like some love sick freak. He wasn't even in love with Jace. How could he anyway? He was just some stupid jerk. This was only about his blood and that weird legend, wasn't it?

At some point he wasn't even sure anymore. When he met up with Clary for some weird reason Jace had insisted to bring the ginger girl to their meeting point and while he was gone already when Simon had arrived, the vampire could still smell him all around, making this heart ache even more. He wanted to see Jace, smell him, look at him... feel him. Just touching his skin again for only a second would be enough. But here he was, wandering around with Clary, trying to get distracted by going shopping. Nothing that would really help him. How could it anyway? Smelling him around, even if it was just his faint scent in Clary's clothes, made everything much worse.

Distraction really didn't work well for him and after days and weeks he just couldn't bear it anymore. During his walk to the institute, he wondered how Jace would feel. Did he just not care? Or did he feel much better than him? Was this deep – whatever it was – not there for him? Was it just Simon? But why? He just couldn't understand it.

Too much in his thoughts and not really caring about the shadows moving around where the street lights didn't reach, he didn't really notice how a small group of vampires came closer, before suddenly grabbing him. He felt a liquid in his forced-open mouth and right after everything was turning black.

When he woke up again he was tied to a chair, blindfolded, his head still a bit dizzy.

“He's finally awake”  
“Great, so we can start now?”  
“Yeah, let's do it”  
Before Simon could even react to anything he felt a sudden pain, when one of the persons around him punched him with such force he felt like his whole stomach would be ripped out. He gasped for breath although he didn't even need to.

“So, you'll gonna start talking, right?” He could hear a voice say.  
“I-” Simon coughed, still feeling the pain. “I don't even know what about”  
“How did you become a daylighter?”

Of course. It was the daylighter thing. That's what they wanted to know.  
“Okay, so this is actually a pretty funny story, because I really have no idea how I-”  
This time it was his chest that was hit and he even heard a crack. The pain coming from his ribs was overwhelming. He dug his fingers into the metal chair he was sitting on, trying to break it, pulled at his arms, but the chains didn't loosen.

“Not a single chance, daylighter. Don't even think about getting away, because you won't. But you sill need to explain. How did it work?”

“I told you! I have no idea! There was a lot going on and a lot of fighting and magic and blood everywhere and suddenly I- AH!”

“DON'T LIE TO US!”

The next bone that was broken was his arm. Simon whimpered at the stinging pain.  
“I'm not lying! I really don't-”

This time it was his other arm.  
“We will break you every fucking bone in your body until you finally tell us. And if it doesn't work out today, we will just repeat all of this tomorrow and the day after that and after that...”

Simon thought they'd be joking. No, it was more, he  _ hoped _ that they were joking. But already the next evening he realized they weren't. With getting just enough blood to be able to really heal himself, they started punching him again, breaking his ribs, his arms and fingers. Still, the fledgling didn't dare talking. He didn't want them to get Jace, although he actually didn't know if it really had been Jace who- …. of course he was. Otherwise there also wouldn't be this connection. And all of this started right after he bit him.

Just thinking of what they'd do to Jace was horrible. Either they made themselves daylighter and kill him off or would use him also for others, drawing his blood day after day – tied down to the chair he was on now, a needle in his arm... No, that was something he didn't even want to imagine nor see. Jace had to be safe. And he couldn't if he'd say any word about it.

“Magic. Maybe it was magic. There was... so much going on” Simon whispered, his body full of pain. “I was... hit by a warlock” It was a lie, but he needed to try.  
“Which warlock? What magic?” One of the other vampires asked.

“I don't know. He... he was tall and... black hair and... a brown suit” More lies. He just had to make something up so they would stop. Maybe they'd believe him and search for that warlock that didn't exist.

“I really hope you're not lying to us... Otherwise you will face the consequences”

At least they stopped for now, maybe trying to find some warlock that would fit the very vague description. Not that they would have any chance. But maybe they would be busy with that long enough so he could find a way out of here.  
He could feel blood down his face. Every small movement hurt and even if he had vampire healing powers a broken rib wouldn't heal that fast. It had taken hours until the pain had finally been gone. Even dying would be easier and faster than that. Just sitting here, waiting for his body to heal, just to have to go through the same torture again, night after night...

Two nights later he didn't know if he could stand it much longer. Even though he had said something about a warlock, they either didn't believe him or wanted to know if there was more about the incident.  
Due to the small amount of blood he was given, his body needed longer and longer to heal again. It was hard and painful to go through all of this. The next night he even hoped that at some point one of the broken ribs would somehow pierce his heart, but they were either pretty good in what they were doing or he was just... unlucky.

When being alone again he wondered what was going on at the institute. Would Clary realize he was gone? Or would it be Maia who might have come back to talk to him again? Or maybe, just maybe... it would be Jace? Maybe he would find out that something was going wrong? Would he sense it? No, this wasn't like a parabatai bond. Still, he hoped. At least Simon could feel the stinging pain inside of himself, which wasn't from the wounds. It was his his heart craving for Jace. He wanted to be with him again, feel his warmth that took everything bad away. He tried concentrating on him, how he had felt in his arms and how healing that had been. Maybe over that he could finally sleep again, so he didn't have to feel the pain anymore.

Outside the city slowly started waking up again when finally his eyes fell close and the pain disappeared. He could relax... as much as it was possible when sitting on that chair. But he slept until early evening, when he heard voices, waking up from them. They were back again...  
The pain had just gone and they were back again... He was ready to face this he told himself, but he really wasn't. How could anyone be ready for this...?


	19. Confessions

“Simon?! SIMON! Are you here?!”  
The daylighter flinched. No, this couldn't be. How should he know were he was? No, it must be his head making up things. But he could also hear heartbeats getting louder. He heard voices, sudden screams and just parted his lips, wanting to call out for Jace, when suddenly something was pushed in his mouth. A vampire was standing behind him, putting something over his face so he couldn't see anymore. The muffled sounds now leaving his mouth were no way loud enough to be heard in all of this chaos. Then he was moved.

Simon tried to rip the ropes holding him in place but he was nowhere strong enough. He had already tried so many times. The days of pain and without enough blood finally took their toll. Just being carried away without any chance to do something was horrible and he felt more helpless than he ever did before.  


Though it wasn't just that. Pain was growing in him. Even more than the days before. It was more painful than all the broken bones slowly taking over his whole body, starting from his chest. Jace was here and he couldn't do anything to let him know where he was. He didn't even  _ know _ where he was anymore.  
“Simon!” Again there was his voice that sounded so full of panic and worry, yet it was so soothing. Warmth was flowing over his body like a warm shower and wrapped him like a soft blanket. But his body was tense and his hands slightly shaking. He didn't want to be taken away from him again.

_ I'm here, Jace! _ That's what he wanted to say, to scream. He wanted him to get to him but somehow it was more like he was taken away even further. Simon tried to concentrate on the heartbeats he was hearing. There was not only Jace, there were also other Shadowhunter. And Magnus. Magnus was with them!

“I got them. Go and look for him” The warlock said, as he held the vampires pressed up against the wall with magic. They were hissing and fighting against the restraints but he didn't let them go. First they'd have to find Simon. “Where is he?” But he didn't get an answer of course.

Jace took the left hallway, Alec the right. The bow held up, he found himself confronted with some rooms. The doors were closed but not locked so he checked the rooms, cautious and always prepared for some more vampires.   
“Simon? Are you here?” But he couldn't hear anything. Also, the rooms were empty besides a lot of boxes, old furniture and a lot of dust making it look like no one had been here in years. Here he probably wouldn't find him and he hoped Jace had better chances. He just had to be here. After all Magnus' magic led them to this building.

Jace was walking through a long hallway. What was this anyway? First it had looked like a storage house but there were rooms, like in a hotel, which he checked. When walking around a corner there was a huge metal door he opened. Finally. Traces. He saw the foot prints in the dust, followed them. Blood was on the ground and scratches on the wood that covered the floor. He looked around called out for Simon again but he wasn't here... not anymore at least. There was another pair of foot steps which he followed, around some pallets and to another door that still was open.

Again Simon heard Jace's voice, that somehow made him feel stronger like it gave him a full boost of energy. He mumbled against the gag in his mouth, pulled at his arms and legs until he finally felt the rope giving in. As soon as he was free he got not only rid of the pillowcase over his head and the gag, but broke the other arm rest he was tied to, before getting rid of the restraints holding his legs in place.

“Jace! I'm here!” He called out, got up and reached for the arm rest he had just broken off. He held it up, ready to use it against the other vampire. But there was no need to. Jace came down the corridor and threw a dagger. The vampire screamed and disintegrating into ashes, slowly falling to the ground.

The Shadowhunter's breath was deep, fast and loud and his heart was racing. His eyes focused Simon, who returned the look. Staring at each other they were just standing there in the middle of dust and dirt, between all the torn off wallpapers, the ashes, like a wall between them, though it was just a small puddle on the floor.

Simon was the first one to move. He wanted to pick up the dagger, but Jace stopped him.

“Don't. It'll burn you”

Instantly Simon stopped in his movement and now it was Jace who came closer, picked the dagger up and put it back into his belt.

“What about the others?”

“How many were there?”

“Three.” Simon answered. Every day it had been the same three at least.

“Alright. Then there won't be a problem. We should leave...”

Leave? How could Jace-... no. No, Jace felt different. He was here because it was his job. He wasn't here because of  _ him _ . A quiet sigh left his lips. The desire to touch him, to feel his warmth again was so big, but Jace seemed like he didn't care at all, turned around, ready to go back to Alec and Magnus, who were still taking care of the vampires.

“Wait” Simon couldn't let it be right now. He reached out for Jace's arm, held it tight and pulled him back. “Don't just...”  
The vampire stopped himself when he felt Jace's hand on his own, his skin tingling from the soft touch. He could hear his heart beating in his ears, feeling like his own heart was beating as well. Again their eyes locked, when Jace gave in and turned around. His eyes were caring and worried, something that was completely new to Simon.

“I thought I was too late. It hurt. I couldn't breathe anymore.” Whatever he had expected, that wasn't it. Jace talked about his feelings, made himself vulnerable. No Shadowhunter would ever think that opening up to a vampire would be a good idea, yet Jace did, even if it wasn't much. “Simon, I-”  
“It's okay. I... felt the same. I thought I would... never see you again...” Without hesitating another second, Simon came closer and wrapped his arms around Jace, inhaling the deep and intense scent of the other. His grip into his leather jacket was tight and he just didn't want to let go again. He had been longing for this so much. He had been so scared.  
At first Jace was pushing against him a little, then relaxed and pulled the vampire even closer.  
“Don't you dare telling anyone” He whispered and right after, Simon heard the little sob, as Jace hid his face between shoulder and neck.

Jace was crying. This realization hit Simon hard and so he slowly moved his hand a little, lay at his neck to gentle caress it.  
“Shht... it's okay. I'm here. I'm alive. Or whatever you want to call vampire who is-”

“Shut up, Simon...” The Shadowhunter's voice was weak but it made Simon stop instantly.  
He could feel the warmth of the other, could smell him, the leather, his hair, the salty tears that he also felt at his neck.  
“I was scared.”

Again those weak and quiet words and still, they were hitting him so much. Simon just nodded and now also couldn't hold back the tears in his eyes, he tried to blink away. He didn't want to cry. It was enough that Jace was here in his arms, sobbing quietly. He wanted to stay strong, although it was so hard. But the other gave him strength. The feeling of skin on skin and he tight grip around his body – it was so much, yet so good. It made him feel better and for the moment he just could forget what had happened to him.

How they took it to the next step, none of them knew. But suddenly their lips were pressed together, like the rest of them. Slowly they moved their lips, gentle and careful, not wanting the other to make a step back. Because as soon as this moment over, they'd have to question it, while now, they could just enjoy this moment that made both of them feel good.

They were just standing there, their bodies close and their eyes shut tight, embracing this moment which took all of the pain away that had been growing inside of them for days. It was not only Simon, also Jace had felt it. And now it was gone. Instead there was something good, something that lulled them and made them feel comfortable. It got stronger and stronger and at some point Simon realized that it wasn't just Jace's heartbeat anymore. He could hear his own as well, or feel it, or... he didn't know. But it was like his heart was beating in his chest, although that was impossible. And whatever it was that was changing right now and growing between them, Jace could sense it as well. He slowly parted their lips again, his eyes big with confusion but also... worries.

  
“Simon...? What are you doing? I can... this is weird. Is this how you hear and smell and...”  
“Huh? I'm not doing anything.” Simon was confused. What was Jace talking about?  
“I can... more... better. I hear better. I can hear heartbeats around, I think...”  
Simon frowned, so it wasn't just him. There was something off, but somehow neither of them was worried about it. It felt right, like there was a sudden... connection between the two of them. Something they both didn't understand but giving them the certainty, that this was how it should be.


	20. Hurt

With a deep sigh Simon sat down at the big, old table in the middle of the hall. Why did they have to talk about the incidence here? This was the most uncomfortable place to be, especially with guards around. But Alec sent them away, so it was just the four of them – Alec, Simon, Jace and Magnus. After all Magnus had been involved as well. When they had left that place Magnus had tied the two vampires together, so they could be brought here. The Shadowhunters around had then locked them up in the basement cells. Never had Simon been there and never did he intend to. He was probably lucky that he had always been closer to the institute than to the clan. Well, there the other vampires accepted him only halfheartedly but it was probably better than to be hated here.

His eyes wandered through the room until he stopped at Jace, who was obviously trying hard to not to look to Simon. A sigh left his lips. After what happened he couldn't even be angry with him about that. It had been a weird situation and something had happened, that would never have happened in any other situation. He still didn't know who had started the kiss but it was more intense than anything else he had ever felt before. The soft lips on his own, the warm breath on his skin...

No, he shouldn't think about that yet. But still, he had to. He was sure he had felt a heartbeat and Jace... Jace had also noticed something had been different. But as soon as all of that intimacy had been over, that feeling had also disappeared. Alec had showed up, knowing that Jace had been alright and the worries had disappeared, but the weird feeling had made him looking for Jace. And when he had found the two of them he had been more than just surprised to see them so close together, their arms around each other. But Jace... felt good. Something he hadn't sensed for a while now. So he had neither said anything about it nor given them a strange look.  
“I'm glad you're alright. Clary would kill us if you weren't” Alec just said and as he had walked back to join Magnus, Jace and Simon had followed him.

Somehow Simon had ended up here sitting together with the others. There were so many unknown smells and so much he didn't know. But mostly he could smell Jace, who was sitting across the table so he could look straight at him. He was hungry but didn't dare saying anything. He didn't want to seem weak. Magnus knew this expression though. So before Alec could talk, he stopped him.

“We should get some blood for Simon. He looks-”  
“Dried out” Jace ended his sentence and got up. Everything was better than being in a room with Simon. Especially with what happened.

While he left to get blood his thoughts were still circling around the vampire and how he had looked at him in that corridor, how he had held onto him and how desperately but gentle he had kissed him.

Slightly he shook his head to banish the images stuck in his head. It was impossible. It had felt too good. He had been so relieved to finally see the vampire again. And yet, he didn't know what had happened. He had seen blood on Simon's shirt – it was still there, dried on his shirt. Was it his own blood? Did it come from anyone else? What had happened to him? Why did they take him? What was interesting about him?

The answer was easy: Simon was a daylighter.

The bag of blood in his hand, Jace came back to the others, put it in front of Simon, who wasn't really comfortable to drink it here, right now with Magnus and two Shadowhunters watching him. But he couldn't resist the urge to drink that blood for much longer. So he opened the bag and drank from it. When it was empty he felt much better and also his skin regenerated and didn't look as pale as before anymore. Even the exhaustion went away, that had still been in his body from healing so many times without enough blood.

“So... tell us. What happened there?” Alec asked.  
Simon leaned back and crossed his arms. “How did you find me? How did you even know I was gone?” That was much more interesting than his own story. Also he didn't really want to talk about what he had experienced.  
“The alarm went off. When we checked the video footage we saw you but you were gone again and first we thought you had changed your mind and left. So we didn't really bother checking on you. But Clary said you didn't answer her calls.” Alec started explaining and Jace joined him.

“We checked the footage again on slow motion and saw the other vampire dragging you away. Magnus helped us tracking you.”

Simon's eyes rested on Jace for a while before he nodded and sighed. “I don't really know how that happened.”  
“Why did you come the institute in the first place?”

“I... Wanted to meet Clary” The vampire answered Alec's question.  
“What happened after you were taken away?” Magnus now wanted to know. That was much more important than any reason to come here. Simon could see the doubt in his eyes anyway. Magnus knew for sure, why he had come here.  


Simon tried to remember. What had happened? But there wasn't much memory. Just the dim lights that had suddenly disappeared and then waking up, tied to that chair.  
“I woke up at that place and they started questioning me about being a daylighter. Every day. Asking stupid questions. But I didn't tell them anything. And then... it was today already and you showed up. That's it”  
That wasn't it. There was much more. But he just couldn't talk about that. He felt weak and... didn't want the others to pity him.  
“They just questioned you?”  
“Yeah, about how I became a daylighter and such. Told them lies about some magic and I didn't really know how. I'm not sure if they believed me but they seemed to be intrigued”

“And... that's it?” Magnus cocked an eyebrow, then looked to Alec who just shrugged.  
“That's it” Simon answered. “I don't know what else I should tell you. There wasn't more than that”  
“Alright then... I guess I will have a talk with the vampires in the cells.” Alec concluded. “I'll have to tell them they'll be transferred to the guard. The clave will take care of them”  
Simon shuddered. As if the cells downstairs wouldn't be enough...

Just as Alec wanted to leave the the room Clary stormed in. She had obviously been out on a mission.  
“You went out to get Simon? Without me?”  
“You had your mission.” Alec just said and left the room. He had elsewhere to do – or better, he wanted to have elsewhere to do.

“Magnus, Jace. Why didn't you tell me?”  
The warlock got up, came over to Clary. “Biscuit... We didn't know what to expect there. And if something had happened to you... You know you're Simon's weak spot”  
“I'm... what?”  
“You're his best friend. You know something like that can sometimes be more of a disadvantage ins situations like that.” Magnus tried to explain but she crossed her arms, not really happy with that answer.  
“It's not okay. And our friendship would never be a disadvantage!” She insisted vigorously. “I should have been there.”

Simon could understand Clary's anger but at the same time he was glad she had not been there. They didn't know how many vampires had been there. There could have been a lot more and then it would have become dangerous. Even with a warlock by their side.  
So he slowly got up to face Clary whose face was so full of disappointment. Maybe it was time for her best friend to step in.

“Clary? You know, Magnus is right. It would have been to dangerous to take you there as well. No one knew how many more vampires there were. _I_ didn't even know. And I had been there!” Simon tried to explain. “I wouldn't want to see you hurt”  
“I'm a Shadowhunter and-”

“My best friend. And I want to keep you safe!”

There was a moment of silence until she slightly nodded.  
“But you tell me if something is going on, right?” Now it was Simon who nodded and... instantly guilt grew inside of him. He was lying to here. Something was going on, something he didn't understand. But neither him nor Jace really talked. That was so wrong.  
“Of course...”

Simon had never been good in telling lies. And with Clary knowing him since childhood there was no way she would believe him. Her eyes were wandering over his face, then to Magnus and finally to Jace, who looked down at the table in front of him. She could see that there was more going on.  
“When you've talked to Magnus, you will come to my room. Both of you” Clary insisted before turning around, her hair bouncing with every step when she left.

Slowly Simon looked at Jace who looked as uncomfortable as Simon himself. No way, he couldn't talk about what exactly had happened there. They didn't even really know themselves. But still, Clary deserved the truth. Whatever the truth looked like.

When sitting down again he felt Magnus' eyes on him and returned the look.  
“Well, is there anything else you want to tell me? Something about your bond maybe?”

Simon opened the mouth to answer but Jace was faster. “Nothing else. I found him, freed him and then Alec showed up”  
“Jace-” Simon slowly started. He didn't want to talk about the kiss but...  
“No. There's nothing else. We got you out of there and that's it”  
Magnus frowned and crossed his arms. It was obvious there was more about it now.  
“Magnus, I... I felt... something. When... he got me out and... and hugged me, I felt a heartbeat.  _ My _ heartbeat.”  
“That's impossible, Simon. You're a vampire.”  
“Wow. That's some news.” Simon sighed deeply. “I  _ know _ I'm a vampire. But I also have this connection with Jace and maybe... Maybe being close changes something? It has already changed a lot, right? When Jace showed up I could finally get rid of the restraints I had fought for days. And I was so weak before.”  
“What about you, Jace? Was there anything new to you as well?”  
Jace didn't want to talk. He felt like Magnus was seeing them as some kind of experiment.  
“Jace, tell him...”  
“There's nothing to talk about!”  
“There is, Jace. I think it's important to talk about and while I understand you don't want anyone to know that we-... we have... this thing I think Magnus could find out-”  
“No. He has no idea what's going on. And the only thing he did until now is keeping us away from each other!” Jace glared at Magnus, who just raised his eyebrows. That was something new.

Simon was surprised about those words. Especially because it was mainly Jace who had kept that distance. He really didn't know what was going on in the Shadowhunter.  
“You stayed away from me for... I don't even know how long but you complain about Magnus?”  
Jace didn't answer. He just looked away. That was something completely different!  
“This is nothing I want to talk about with Magnus. Whatever happened there, he has no idea anyway! Otherwise I'm sure he'd told us already. Right?!”  
Magnus smiled softly. He was completely calm, even though Jace and Simon were more than just tense. “True. I don't know what is going on. But I might be able to find out what is happening. For that I need-”  
“You don't  _ need _ details! You just want to know about it because you're sensational. And that's basically it. You don't know what's happening and you will not know because your books don't tell you. This is new to you and everyone! And you're sitting here, doing some experiments with us like we're your guinea pigs. Don't dare coming closer to Simon or me again. And don't you dare dragging Alec into this!”

Simon stared at Jace. He had no idea what was happening right now. Magnus just tried to help, right? The vampire wasn't sure what to do, so he didn't move, even as Jace had gotten up.  
“We're done here, Magnus. Leave.” He said and grabbed Simon's arm, to pull him up as well. “Let's go. We have nothing else to say”  
As Jace pushed him to the door Simon was still thinking about what he should do. On the one hand he wanted to talk with Magnus but on the other hand there was Jace, who seemed to show care and affection in such a weird way that he didn't really understand but wanted to.  
“Jace...” He tried again, but no chance. Jace pulled him out of the room, holding his arm tight.  
“This is something  _ we _ need to find out. No one else. I won't let anyone step between us again. Not for experimenting.”  
Simon was sure that if his heart would still beat now it would have been pounding in his chest. Jace really cared. This realization spread warmth inside the vampire and he couldn't hold back a faint smile that vanished pretty soon again when he noticed they were going to Clary's room. This was too fast. He didn't even know what to say, yet. But Jace obviously wanted all of the talks to be over as soon as possible and so they finally stood in front of that wooden door.


	21. Truth to be told

Simon flinched when Jace knocked at the door. It wasn't loud and it wasn't unexpected but knowing what would follow made him feel really uncomfortable. He took a deep breath which was followed by Jace giving him a look. But before he could say anything the door opened and Clary was standing in front of them. She smiled softly and let them in.  
“Are you finished with talking to Magnus?” She asked and closed the door after they had stepped into her room.  
“Yeah, kind of” Simon answered as Jace obviously didn't really want to give an answer to that.  


Actually they didn't finish their talk. They had just left. But maybe this was for the better. While Simon wouldn't have seen everything the way Jace did, the Shadowhunter really had some points. In the end there was nothing Magnus could do at the moment to change anything. Also, what was between them shouldn't matter to anyone else.

And yet, here they were standing in front of Clary to try to tell her what was going on. They didn't really know themselves so how could they be able to tell her anything? She deserved the truth, though. With Jace as her boyfriend and Simon as her best friend... She needed to know that there was more.

Slowly Simon sat down on the bed, trying to sort his thoughts. “Well...” He started but nothing else followed.  
Clary sat down next to him. “What is it? When you're that quiet there really must be a lot going on in your head...”  
“Well...” He said again and Jace frowned, crossing his arms. He didn't feel any better than the vampire. But this had to be done.  
“Since that incident there is something going on. I don't know exactly what it is but... At the moment I don't know if... I mean...”  
Clary looked up to her boyfriend, trying to understand what he wanted to say but failed.  
“It's like... I want to be close to Jace all the time. As if I need blood... I need his... his touches and... I... I mean... I don't know... It's just...” Simon didn't know how to go on. He lowered his head, looked to the floor. “I need him.”  
There was heavy silence, not only from Clary but also Jace. After all Simon and him had not really talked about all off this yet. They were constantly avoiding the topic and so it was new to him as well.

The words of the vampire didn't really explain anything. Clary still sat there, looking at Simon to try to understand.  
“Are you... I mean... is there more than that?”  
“I don't know? I don't even know myself anymore. I just feel... I feel restless when he isn't around. It's painful. Not like some  _ I miss you _ or anything. I feel like starving. My body is aching...” The days without him, being tied to that chair, it was the most horrible thing to feel.  
“Do you... love him?”  
“What?” Simon looked up, staring at her, then looking at Jace and back to her. “I... no... I mean...”  
“We kissed” Jace suddenly said and Simon widened his eyes. He was really telling her that. Yes, she deserved the truth but- “Don't look at me like that, Simon. She needs to know. It would be unfair to not tell her. She's your best friend, right?”

Simon wasn't sure if this really was the best approach but now it was too late. He bis his lip, slowly looking to Clary who was sitting there with a blank face, still processing what she just heard.  
“My boyfriend and friend were kissing and none of you thought about, well... telling me about that? You straight up lied to me all the time. How long is this going on already? Since you came to talk to me, Simon?” She shook her head and got up.  
Simon did the same, took a step closer to her and reached for her hands. “Clary, listen... I didn't want to lie to you. I... just... there was so much going on and it was hard for me to understand it, it still is. And the kiss just happened like a few hours ago. When they got me out of that place. It was more a in the heat of the moment thing than anything else and-”  
“So you don't intend to repeat that?” She wanted to know.  
Why did she have to ask questions like that? Simon couldn't even answer them. But his silence and also Jace's silence were answer enough.  
She took a deep breath, looking at the both of them. “It's okay. If you're having... feelings for each other, that's okay. I just want you to be happy. But I don't want to be lied to. Enough people lied to me for years. I want to be able to trust you two. I can't if you're lying to me...”  
Simon nodded slightly. “I'm sorry. I should have told you earlier but how could I? Telling you there is something going on between your boyfriend and me and this didn't seem right. Also Jace is constantly annoyed by me and avoids me and... I thought I was pretty much alone in this thing.”

  
“Huh? Why didn't you just talk to me?” Jace asked, his brows furrowed.

“Talk to you? How? When? You didn't even want to see me! First you stalk me and then suddenly you just leave me alone after you made me feed on you. How should I have talked to you?!”  
Clary tilted her head. “You realize you're like some old married couple?” She said with a soft chuckle. She just couldn't be angry with them, even if she was hurt. She loved them both and she just wanted them to feel good, to be happy and... the most important, she wanted to help. But no one seemed to let her. “What about talking now? You already started, now go on.”  
“I don't think this is the right time to-” He started but Simon stopped him.

“Not now? What time is better for you then? When you're avoiding me again? When you leave me again and things like that happen?!” Shocked by his own words he took a step back. He hadn't wanted to say that. It wasn't Jace's fault something like this had happened.  
The expression on the Shadowhunter's face tightened. It was obvious he felt guilty and this was not what Simon wanted...  
“Jace, I didn't mean-”  
“Yes, you did. And you are right. I couldn't protect you and-”  
“There is no _need_ to protect me. There shouldn't be any need to! It's not your fault that all of this happened. And we can't change it anyway.”  
“If I wouldn't have let you feed on me-”  
“He'd be dead, Jace.” Clary raised her voice again. She couldn't just stand there listening to the two of them arguing with each other. “Would you prefer that?”  
Jace went silent, his lips pressed together and his body even more tense. Of course he didn't prefer that. He was glad Simon was alive. Or whatever a vampire could be.

“Please, stop arguing. You won't make any difference by that. We should rather find out what is going on and how... how we can actually make a change. This seems to be some... gift by the angels. So why don't we try talking to one?” Clary suggested.  
Simon and Jace both stared at her. “Asking an angel? You must be insane. You can't just ask an angel about _that_. You can't even just talk with an angel!” The Shadowhunter said. Simon had no idea if it was possible or not but apparently it wasn't. Jace made that clear. “Summon an angel is dangerous and you most likely wouldn't survive that.”  
“But we have to do something, right?”  
“I'm actually not sure.” Simon's voice was quiet. He was thinking about what had happened. “I mean there's no danger, right? It doesn't affect anyone but us and... maybe we will just get used to whatever this is.”

But was it really not dangerous? He didn't even know that. He knew nothing about all of this. And still, until now there was no one harmed by that bond. Jace and Simon felt drawn to each other and when kissing they had this weird feelings but other than that...? Nothing had happened, right? Okay, they also broke Magnus' wards. But that was something different.

“What about Jace's blood?” Clary said, also thinking about the situation.  
“What about his blood?” Simon asked not understanding what she wanted to say.  
Clary sighed. “Well, you said you were... well, you smelled it around and you were somewhat addicted to it.”  
That was a topic the vampire really didn't want to talk about. “Yeah, because I am... Still. I mean... I am... I smell it and I... when Jace is not around I'm craving for it. But when he's...” No, around wasn't enough. There was more about it. “When he's close this feeling disappears. I'm no danger to him or anyone else. I'm not thirsty. It's only his blood”  
Jace also tried to understand. “So when I'm here you want to feed on me? But when I... touch you, the feeling is gone?” The Shadowhunter came closer and took Simon's hand in his own.

Clary watched them and felt pain in her own chest. She'd been with Jace, she loved him and she loved Simon – at least in a friendship way. And seeing them like this, although they were only holding hands was nearly too much for the moment. Not because of the gesture but because of their reactions. Everything seemed so intimate. Simon's body relaxed and his features went all soft while Jace was looking at Simon, caring and... there was also something else. Something she had only seen when he had looked at her. But now... it was different. Now it was Simon who got this look. 

Could this bond really change any feelings? They couldn't even stand each other. They kind of got along if they had to. And from that to... this – was that really possible? Jace had loved her, right? He had felt so much for her... and she did for him. Never would she had expected that something or someone could change what they had but here they were. Simon somehow managed to change Jace's feelings.  
She took a deep breath, trying to ignore the pain in her chest. This was about her friends... Friends, that was her relationship with Jace now. With what happened they couldn't go on as if nothing had happened...

Simon looked at Jace, holding his hand tighter. “It makes the thirst go away”  
This was really strange but at the same time the vampire wondered. “What if it's not actually Jace's blood I'm craving for? What if the feeling is just so similar I  _ think _ I'm craving for his blood but actually I don't and I'm more... touch deprived? “  
“You... what?” Jace frowned. “What's that supposed to mean?”  
“I mean I... maybe...” But Simon couldn't really express it without feeling ashamed.

“He means that he's actually craving to be close to you and touch you but mistakes it for hunger” Clary concluded, obviously understanding her friend better than Jace who now just nodded. He still didn't really get all of it but somehow... It also made sense.

“But if it's just touches, why not take anyone else? Why me?” Jace was still a bit confused.  
“Well, the bond is still there” Clary answered and shrugged. “And maybe it's really not dangerous. If it was given by the angels and you don't really want to drink his blood. Jace, do you feel anything?”   
“Huh? Like?”  
“Like Simon. He might take it for hunger but you're not a vampire, so...”  
Jace shook his head, crossed his arms after letting go of Simon's hand. “Nothing” He insisted but the slight blush on his cheeks was telling something different. Simon could also hear his heart beat faster than before.  
“I think we're at a point now where we should stop lying to each other” He said and Jace sighed deeply.  
“I feel the same. Not hunger but... wanting to be close to him, touch him and... stuff”  
“And stuff...? What stuff?” Clary went on asking.  
“Holding him in my arms... I don't know. I thought it was him biting me that would only give me _that_ feeling but it isn't. It's being close.”

Simon couldn't help but he just had to smile. Jace felt the same. But when he saw Clary's face the smile disappeared. She was hurt. Of course she was. Jace was her boyfriend or had been her boyfriend or... whatever. Having to hear this words or having to watch them touching surely wasn't easy and Simon he was just selfish, going on talking without realizing in how much pain she was.

“Clary?” Without a second thought he hugged her and Clary hid her face at his shoulder.  
“I'm okay...” She whispered but she sure wasn't. Gently Simon rubbed her back and looked over to Jace who was just standing there, not knowing what he should do. But then he came closer, gently rested his hand on her head to softly pet her.  
“I'm sorry, Clary...”  
Clary nodded, still hiding her face and Simon could smell the salt of her tears, felt his shirt getting wet where she hid. “I'm okay...” She said again.  
But calming down again took a while. And Simon and Jace held her through that time, took care of her until her tears were finally gone.


	22. Changes

When Simon had left the institute again he knew he had to talk with yet another person. Maia. After their last argument they hardly held any contact. But now it just had to be. Simon couldn't be in a relationship with her while all those things were going on. Did she even realize that he had went missing? Somehow he really doubted that. In the end he didn't even know if they were still a couple. He didn't have any messages of Maia on his phone. She probably already decided to not go on like this. With him.

As much as he wanted to talk to her now to clear up everything, he just couldn't but decided to do it the next day. Instead he went to his apartment, locked his door and even put a chair in front of it, though he knew that this wouldn't keep any vampire or demon out of his home. Still, it gave him the feeling of being safe, at least for a while.

The rest of the night and half of the next day had been hard. He managed to sleep in somehow but woke up lots of times. He had been offered to stay at the institute and he regretted it to not have accepted it. Now he was lying in his bed, terrified, always expecting someone to show up and taking him away again.

At some point he just couldn't sleep again and so he distracted himself with playing guitar and some video games. His mobile was constantly next to him, muted, but the display lit up so many times and when he checked after some hours he had Clary and Magnus checking on him. But no message from Jace.... Of course there wasn't anything like that. Why should he even write him? He took a closer look at the messages and sighed. Jace had talked to Clary, after he had left. So they weren't a couple anymore. And this was probably for the better. His friend even suggested Simon to talk to Jace again. Why? If there was anything important Jace would have let him know, right?

He shook his head. He couldn't think more about this, yet. There was enough going on right now and his maybe-still-girlfriend  _ maybe _ was waiting for him, worried. Or maybe not. If she was worried, there would have been calls, messages, anything. But there wasn't. He sighed deeply, got up and dressed more appropriately to go outside.  
It was late afternoon already and his legs took him down the street until he was standing in front of the pub his girlfriend was working at.

Slowly he opened the door to the _ Hunter's Moon _ where Maia was standing at the bar, mixing cocktails as he entered. Her face lit up as she saw him but she finished her work and handed out the drinks until Simon came closer.

“Do you have a second? I'd like to talk with you”  
Maia nodded. “I'll ask someone to take over”  
And while she did that and got a drink for Simon ready, the vampire already sat down in a corner, waiting for his girlfriend.

“I'm glad you finally want to talk to me...” The werewolf said as she sat down. “You know, I had to think about it a lot but... It's okay, Simon. I forgive you.”  
Simon looked startled, not sure if he understood correctly. She thought he came here to apologize? What for? That she made some accusations? That she left him alone without really listening to him? He opened his mouth, closed it again. He was so puzzled he just didn't know what to say.  
“So, what is going on?” Maia finally asked and put her hand on Simon's. But Simon couldn't keep his hand where it was. He pulled it back, took a sip of the blood Maia had brought him and frowned.  
“I don't know if you really care or not. After... not even listening to me. After basically ignoring everything I said just because I have talked to something else first who was actually more involved in all of what is going on with me and-”  
“I should be the one. I'm your girlfriend. Whatever concerns you also concerns me.”  
“See? And that is not true. Because sometimes things are happening only the people involved might understand. Like this. But to be honest, not even the people involved understand it.” Simon took a deep breath. “I need to understand it, though. I need to find out what all of this means to me and what is happening”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“You'd know if you'd listened last time I tried to explain.”  
Maia frowned and crossed her arms. “Now you're really childish. Last time you made up excuses without really talking!”  
“I tried. And you left me alone! I tried to explain you how this blood thing works and-”  
“Did you find out?”  
“No. But that is not even the point.” Simon answered, his voice helpless. What else should he do? What else should he say?  
“That is exactly the point, Simon. As long as you don't understand...”  
“I really want to and I try to explain this to you but you won't even listen and I just spent the last days at some creepy place with vampires torturing me and I still don't know what is going on and honestly, though telling me you do, _you_ don't even care. Can we just... I mean... I really like you as a friend but this whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing just doesn't work out between us. At the moment I can't give you the attention you deserve and you can't give me the attention I deserve so I don't know if we... really should keep this going.”

There was silence and Simon could see anger in her eyes but also worries. She didn't get what was going on with Simon and why he reacted like that but maybe it really was for the best to just... let it go. Just move on. Maybe at some point Simon would know how he really felt and maybe they could try again then but right now none of this worked out.

Maia looked at Simon for some moments before she slowly nodded. 

“I guess you're right, Simon... This way we both can think about our feelings more and I still enjoy you coming here.”  
“That won't stop for sure. No one gets me a better Bloody Mary than my favorite bartender” The vampire smiled slightly and Maia joined in.  
They didn't really clear things up but at least there was no pressure on Simon anymore. He felt much better this way. He didn't need to feel bad to talk to someone else instead of Maia anymore, though, to be fair, he also didn't feel bad to do so until she had pointed it out. Because for him it had felt so natural to talk to other people if it was about Jace. Clary, who had been Jace's girlfriend or Alec, who was Jace's Parabatai. Maia wouldn't understand and she didn't even know Jace enough.

“I guess I need to go back to work then.” Maia finally concluded and Simon wasn't disappointed but still somewhat surprised she didn't even ask about the fact he had been kidnapped. So he just murmured a _Have fun_ before he left the pub. This way he didn't see how Maia didn't go behind the counter but left the _Hunter's Moon_ through the back door.

Simon rushed back to his apartment, locked the door and finally felt more relaxed. There was too much going on in his head and all around him and he just had no time to really think about it. Especially now that they had... this moment. They had kissed. And Simon was so confused about that. How did that happen? They had hugged and then suddenly their lips had been pressed together, softly but longing. The sensation of that kiss had made his body react in so many weird ways. But the weirdest of those reactions was the fact that he had felt his heartbeat. Or what he thought was his. In the end it could have also been an... echo of Jace's.

Whatever it had been, he wanted to feel it again and this could only happen if the Shadowhunter was with him. But... would he even want that? Would he want to be... close to him again? After all they had kissed but that didn't have any meaning, right? It was just... that moment...


	23. Another secret

Jace's mind was a good mess. And while he didn't really talk about it, Alec could feel it every second. One week had gone by since Jace and Simon had parted and training wasn't like before, missions were seriously dangerous with his constant distracted Parabatai. He didn't even understand why they didn't talk or were going to see each other. Avoiding even the slightest possibility of meeting somewhere just seemed like the right decision. At least to them. In their heads. Though Jace's feelings were completely opposite. And Alec got that. In the beginning he had tried to avoid Magnus but it had been more painful than anything else. This wasn't the solution for it.

“Jace...”

“No, stop. I know what you're going to say but, absolutely not.” Jace answered without even trying to listen.

Alec let out a deep sigh. “You can't just.”

“Of course I can. You see that I can. Now, do you want a good training or should I look for anyone else?”

But the dark haired Shadowhunter just nodded and did the training with him. It was really good distraction and he felt Jace's heart getting lighter. But still, there was this longing inside of him which led to Jace not being able to focus properly. Usually it was Alec who was the first one to land on the ground but today it was Jace.

“You're not focused”

“Shut up. I was lost in thoughts for a second”

“What thoughts?” Alec asked but that was enough for Jace. He reached out for his Parabatai, threw him to the ground an held him in place.

“Seems more like you're not focused” Jace said and pulled his arm tighter on his back. Alec breathed in sharply, still trying to get away but the grip was too strong. So he gave up.

“Okay, you won...” He murmured. “But Jace, I won't let it be. Do you know how hard it is to feel all of that but knowing I can't really do much about it?”

Jace finally let go and Alec got up. “Jace!”

“You talk to me as if you'd know what is going on and you'd understand everything. But you don't, okay? You... have no idea what's happening and neither have I.”

Alec came close but his Parabatai shuffled back. “Just-... don't.”

And with that Jace turned around and walked off.

After all, Jace was right. He felt glimpses of his feelings but not all of it and most certainly he couldn't understand what was happening. Why didn't Jace tell him about... just something? Didn't he trust him anymore? He sighed and walked to his office and whom he met there really was a surprise.

“Clary?”

“Hey, I need to talk to you” She said softly.

It was weird. They never had any kind of connection, never really talked or related to the same thing and yet, she was sitting here in his office, waiting for him.

“Sure. Talk.” Alec sat on the sofa opposite of her and looked at the young woman.

“It's about Jace. He's... acting weird since that... incident. I mean, I understand that it must be hard but they can't just tell me about the kiss and their feelings and suddenly they completely stay away from each other. You... must feel the same, right? I mean it's-....” Clary stopped. Looking at Alec's face she slowly realized that apparently he didn't know about all of that. “Wait, you... know about it, right? Jace told you? I mean, he's your Parabatai and-”

Alec slowly shook his head. “No, he didn't tell me anything. I... don't really know what was going on. He keeps it a secret from me. I found them but... they had just hugged and I didn't really question it. After all a lot had happened, right? But I didn't...-”

Clary got up, to sit down next to Alec, gently placing her hand on his back. Jace trusted him, right? So why didn't he tell him? Did he think he'd judge him? But why? After all Alec was with a man himself. Or was it exactly that? He maybe shouldn't read too much into it?

“Why didn't he...-”

“I don't know... But let me tell you about it.” She still didn't get why and how Jace so easily had told her but didn't tell Alec. He was much closer to Jace... but maybe that was exactly the point. So it was her now who told Alec all of what was being said when Simon and Jace had come to her room. She tried to not leave out any details on it and Alec was grateful for that. He understood a bit better what exactly was going on but didn't really get it completely. Well, apparently Jace and Simon didn't as well, so this wasn't a surprise and even though Clary had told him about all of this, she also looked confused.

It wasn't just the kiss, it was everything around it. It was the touches, the feelings, the starving. That's what Alec was mostly wondering about – why was it happening? And how? Did it really all start with Simon biting Jace? Had that been what had changed everything? But why not? After all they knew how much effect blood could have on something or somewhat. It was a strong ingredient in potions as well. So it could also change something in one's body, right? Especially with blood that wasn't just regular blood, but nephilim blood with a big angelic touch.

“Well... Just my opinion but I think they should see each other again.” She finally ended her report about them and Alec nodded.

“I don't understand why they aren't.”

“Maybe they are scared? And also, Jace isn't gay so... He has to get his head around how he can feel drawn to a man, right?”

“Right...” Alec nodded again. Of course for Jace it was more difficult. This was the first time he wanted to be close to a man instead of a woman and while he didn't have a problem with Alec being gay, realizing that oneself is maybe or maybe not attracted to a man surely wasn't that easy.

“Do you think we could manage to make them meet?”

“Like... setting them up?”

“Exactly. I could ask Simon to meet me somewhere and you could ask Jace to meet you for a mission somewhere and... then they meet?”

“Isn't that a bit too obvious?” Alec was pretty skeptical. It wasn't a too bad idea but he wondered if they'd really fall for this.

“We could still try. Wait, I'll message him...” And so Clary started writing a message to Simon, while Alec also took his mobile and messaged Jace. The docks in two hours. He knew Jace would be angry with him as soon as he understood what exactly happened. But he just had to risk that. Because there was a possibility that he might feel better after seeing Simon again...


	24. Beating hearts

When Simon had gotten the text he had thought that it would actually be Clary whom he'd meet. Never ever would he have thought about her using the same method as he did when he had tried to see Jace in the first place. Except... that meeting had not gone well at all.

Two hours later he was waiting at the docks, on top of an old building. This was their secret spot whenever they had met up here. From here the sea was perfectly visible and it was really calming. He listened to the waves, the wind and also to the voices of mundies that were working somewhere.

After a while he heard a heartbeat coming closer, steps on the metal fire ladder and... what? No. That was most definitely not Clary. Her steps were softer and her shoes sounded different. When he turned around he suddenly saw blond hair in the sun and Jace's grumpy face beneath it. He got up instantly and frowned.

“Where is Clary?”  
“Don't look at me that surprised. It's been your Idea, right?”

“Wha- no! I... Clary wanted to see me. Here!” He took out his mobile, made a step towards Jace who shook his head.

“Stop. Don't come... closer”

Simon frowned at the words, let the mobile sink and put it back into his pocket. Without a word they looked at each other. It was hard, nearly painful. During the last days the urge to see Jace again had grown bigger and bigger again. Now they both were here and... Jace didn't allow him to even come near him.

“Jace...”

“No, stay back. I will leave.”

There was silence and no one moved despite the Shadowhunter's words. He didn't leave. He was standing there, breathing deeply, his heart beating fast and Simon could hear every single one of those beats. Then, all of a sudden, Jace took a few strong steps until he stood in front of Simon, grabbed him by his collar. Simon shut his eyes close, his faces turned away slightly, waiting for... well, he wasn't really sure. It was a reflex. He knew how situations in that grip usually ended: with a punch in the face. But nothing like that happened. Instead he was pulled closer, Jace's arms were around him and Simon was pressed against his warm chest.

Slowly he moved his own arms, wrapped them around Jace and held on him tight. He closed his eyes, focusing on his smell. The leather, the wood and the rain on the ground. It was deep and intense and... calming. Over all, just calming.

“Why...?” The vampire still asked and Jace just shook his head. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to have this moment together, feeling Simon close again. It was relaxing and the craving for his touches slowly disappeared. Instead there was nothing but that calm, comfortable feeling that was lulling him in. But although he enjoyed being with Simon like this, Jace slowly let go of him, just to pull at his sleeve and turn away. He went down the ladder again and Simon followed, not knowing what would come.

When Jace led him to the next corner of the street he finally knew where they were going – his apartment. And still the Shadowhunter didn't say anything. He just went down the street further, knowing that Simon was behind him, following him, both of them not saying a word. That was, until they arrived at the apartment. Simon got out his keys, dropped them by accident and took them again.

  
“Sorry, I'm so clumsy sometimes” He murmured and tried pushing the key into the lock again. Why were they here now? He just didn't get it. Slowly he opened the door and they went inside, up the stairs to his place. There he unlocked the door as well and Jace didn't even wait for him to open it completely but slipped inside, sat down on the sofa of the living room. Simon let out a deep sigh, closed the door and followed Jace.

“Make yourself at home... So why are we here now?” He still wanted to know.

Jace looked up at Simon when the vampire was standing right in front of him.

“I... hate it”

“You hate what exactly?” A frown appeared on Simon's forehead.

Silence. Again. Couldn't Jace just talk? Not start with one thing and just... stop?  
“So?”  
There was hesitation. Then Jace started talking.

“I... hate not having you around”

“What...?”

“Could you at least listen, when I talk to you?”

“I did but... I'm not sure if I really got it right. I... I thought you said you want me around”  
“I do. I really tried to not feel like this, think like this. But it hurts, Simon...”

Jace sounded so fragile, so vulnerable. And there was no way Simon could avoid any answer.

“I know... I feel the same”

Slowly Simon sat down next to him – at least he tried to. But Jace pulled him on his lap, his arms wrapped around him. His body was warm and smelled good. To inhale his scent even deeper Simon hid his face at his neck. Warmth also grew in himself and his skin was tingling.

The Shadowhunter's fingers moved beneath his shirt. It was just a slight touch, feeling like feathers on his skin and yet it was burning but in a good way.

Being this close was intimate although not much was happening. At least it would have looked like that to others. They were just sitting there, close, in a tight hug but what they felt was so much more.

No words were needed. Just their touches, their looks at each other when Simon sat up straight again. Gently Simon touched Jace's cheek while looking into his eyes.  
“You're okay?” He asked softly.

Jace nodded, tilting his head just a bit so he could feel Simon's hand better. While his hands were still touching his back he pushed his shirt upwards. Simon blinked, looked down at his shirt, then at Jace again.

“You... want me to...-”  
“Can't you just shut up for once?”

Simon pressed his lips together, then took off his shirt, before he reached for Jace's as well. He pulled it up and the Shadowhunter let Simon undress him as well. Again their chests were pressed together and a small whimper left Simon's mouth.

The sensation of their bodies close together was intense. He gasped though he had no need for air. Again he looked at Jace, trying to find any sign that would show him the blonde would feel the same. And there it was. This gentle look on his face. This expression he had never seen on his face before – not for him.

Simon couldn't even remember how they had gotten rid of their pants or how they had ended up in his bed. Their nearly naked bodies close together. Their arms were tight around them, their foreheads leaned together. Simon felt his warm breath on his lips, his fingers running over his back. Light touches that made the vampire shiver. And while they were that close, kissing and murmuring soft words, there was just one thing Simon could hear all around: their beating hearts.


End file.
